Work Musings

I've been more and more spacey and feel less and less talented outside of work. Within work I feel more talented, but I'm concerned that I really need to start looking for a full time job.

However change doesn't happen overnight.  My mom expressed that she thinks I should continue working at Subway instead of looking for a full-time job.

Since her opinion shapes my world, how do you think this feels for me to have her throw me away on a cheap part time job.  She doesn't even think I could do a full time job.

She is so calloused and unfeeling to say that to me.  I don't think she knows how much this hurts.

I need her help and her support, and if I don't have it, then it's almost futile to look for a full-time job.
So we had one conversation about it.  I'm going to keep talking to her about it and hopefully she can help me, a little, by giving rides and being supportive.

We also had a conversation about how hard working at Subway is.  It's really work, it's not like dancing around a Maypole.  You know.  But I'm ready to take on a full day's work, and when I'm spacing out as I come home, it's hard to get motivated to look for a part time job.  I've already had two job opportunity things that I've been considering shot down by my mom, being a truck driver with paid tuition and working for a temporary agency, which I wasn't sure if I could do in concurrence with Subway, but thought they would help me gain experience in the administrative assistant biz and get my foot in the door.

There's this job from Care.com from a person in Grand Prairie who wanted help with their kid, but I don't live in Grand Prairie and I don't know that I could.  And.... I can't seem to find the email that they sent me.

I think I've narrowed my job search to Craigslist, even though it's the underbelly of the internet.  Maybe Indeed, although I always feel super discouraged applying because so many people already have applied to that job.

I think my dad's coming back to the US, has helped me to get a job, but I don't know if it will happen again.  I want to contact DARS to help, but I feel like I really don't have a a disability, just an unreasonable desire to get coffee and not being able to get up in the morning.  Other than that, normal people struggles.

Other ways to make money are freelance writing sites, even though I'm a crappy writer, who's ability to write about herself is her strongest feature, and babysitting job websites.  There's the newspaper, but most of those jobs are either for day laborers or skilled workers, and job fairs...I can barely get up in the morning, forget getting my mom to take me to one of those.

The thing about DARS, is that I get to share the burden of me finding a job.  I have someone to talk to, as a career counselor.    I just don't want to get shoved under the rug, like I was, working with Six Flags.  It was not a permanent job, and I knew it.  I gave up A LOT spiritually to get a job there.  I don't know what I have left spiritually to give.