Self Improvement, Baby Steps

Ok is there some sort of natural law that means you can't plan things for yourself?  Because I feel like that's what's been happening to me lately.  And by lately I mean the past 31 years.  I keep trying and trying and it's just a mess.  I want to give someone my plans and have them make me do them.  I think that's called a long-term relationship.   Except I can't plan myself into one, because I can't plan anything!  I guess it's called "ask someone."  The only person I see regularly is my mom and I think it's weird to ask your mom to help you find a LTR.  And he has to beat all my previous boyfriends, like in Scott Pilgrim Versus the World.  I'm not saying this for me, but I will feel like I lesser being if we had to submit to some ex. 

So the whole planning thing, I was planning to follow advice in my thirties, only to find that I cannot.  I am a mess and cannot hold a spoon.  My muscle skills are fading.  I feel like I have the start of Parkinson's.  I run into things. 

Ok, so I'm exaggerating a little, but it does feel like I have to work extra hard to type. 

Back to planning.  How should I do this?  Take one thing and work on it?  One subheading under one category a day?  I have a lot to self-explore.  And someone recommended that I should just be.   Square one isn't where I want to start, but if I don't I know I'll be in trouble in the future.  Being is just so ambiguous.  From "10 Tips for Loving Life (and Yourself) in Your 30s, by Raluca State in Huffpost Women, the First tip is 1. Embrace your physical appearance.
This is great and I have embraced it.  Lately though, I've been really weird about my clothes.  They exhaust me.  Maybe I can explore that and I have been using Proactiv.  I haven't been keeping up with it though.  Start from the beginning.  Make some habits, keep them. 

I'm usually pretty chill about what I look like, but I also keep to myself.  I don't have anyone making fun of me on a regular basis.  My mom occasionally makes comments if my jeans are especially butt crack prone or my hair.  But it doesn't really garner any great change.  I look for jeans that fit me, but I have a weird body shape. 

2. Take control of your health. 

I drink too much coffee.  I take too much pills.   But be.  So maybe I can habitually stop this.  Stock the fridge with sodas and other special drinks.  so I won't be tempted to drink coffee.  No coffee.  As for the pills, I'm scared.  I'm really scared to ask and then get rejected and then to assert my rights as a consumer to refuse treatment, because I have my mom and Dr. A to deal with.  I want to get off the pills, but be stable, as well.  I don't want to go crazy.  Which is the atmosphere my mom presents when I come home telling her I'm off something.  She starts this "I think you aren't thinking properly.  You really need the medication.:"  in her robot voice.   

It's weird how much health is an emotional issue. 

Sleep determines how healthy we are.  I'll have to implement that Top 10 Ways to Get a Good Night's Sleep, by Mark Stibich.

1.  Only Sleep and Have Sex in the Bedroom

2.  Keep a Schedule

3.  Make a Bedtime Ritual

4.  Exercise Daily

5.  Get Some Sunlight

6.  Avoid Caffeine in the Afternoon

7.  Make Your Bedroom Dark

8.  Avoid Alcohol

9.  Don't Smoke

10.  See a Doctor

Exercise:  This has to do with both physical appearance and health.  I think two is fine for now.  Baby Steps.