Update

1. Embrace your physical appearance.

I was going to say, yes, I have embraced my appearance.  Then I realized I was fat and had weird hair and had acne and funky glasses.  But most of the time, I embrace my appearance, so I've been accepting myself for who I am.   A nice place to be. 

2. Take control of your health. 

Today I didn't have coffee, if you could call 6pm to 12pm a day.  I actually made coffee.  and then didn't drink it.  I thought about my dog and how much I loved her and how cute she was being and I was inspired to make a change.  So yay!  Gave up coffee for a day! 

My sleep schedule is a mess though.  I'm thinking about going to my room and sleeping, now at 2:20 pm, so I can get up later in the morning.  Maybe my sleeping in is a rebellion of sorts.  I can't control it one way, I control it another way.  Sleep in extra.  It really makes me furious.   Why isn't my schedule normal like everyone else's.   I get all wired and can't sleep, or sleep like a ginormous Koala, the sleepiest animal in the animal kingdom. 

My ideal schedule would be from 10pm to 7am.   That's exactly 10 hours, so koala girl can get her sleep on, regardless of the 8 hour rule.  

Going to sleep now, even though, I've just slept like an entire day. 


Day 3.  I look in the mirror this afternoon and I see ugliness.  I slept til 1, didn't get up to cancel my appointment which my mom couldn't make, and just lay there thirty minutes before I got up because everything was too....intense.   I just couldn't deal.  Life was too huge.  And I looked in the mirror and saw ugliness. 

The truth is, I don't know if I should be doing this blog, because I feel like life doesn't need a narrator and sometimes narration itself hinders the story unfolding.  But it does keep me on track and focused.   So if I suddenly disappear, that's what happened to me. Life got in the way. 

Some people say ugliness is not accepting yourself.  I think this must be true.  This morning I couldn't accept that I was not able to get up earlier and judged myself on this.  I was judging everything!  I even half-sleepily judged my mom for not being able to get off work earlier to drop me off at my hair appointment, but still had time to mow the grass.  Maybe Ugliness is just judging, itself. 

I couldn't hug my ugliness today, but I will give it some thought on Ninja and my walk.  Do I judge?  Am I judging?  What is it to forgive? 

As for taking charge of my health, I didn't drink coffee yesterday, or today.  Yes!  It's great to feel like you are taking the right steps.  I brushed my teeth last night.  I think I remember not washing my face, although I can't remember why. 

Find a personal mantra.  I have one.  And I've been using it.  Things are good. 

Get a hobby.   I believe mine is beading/jewelry making at least for now.  I've been spending my time trying to find these Scoubidou, or hollow plastic lacing. I got one package that was not hollow and have ordered to others that look promising to make a button ring.  Ordered some huge wooden buttons that I can paint and have big holes.  We will see if they work with the Scoubidou. 

Figure out how to destress Guided imagery.  I will try that.  I think it's like books on tape or something.