So I think I need a new job. I'm working at Whataburger and JLRAC and they conflict. I want to cut down Whataburger to just the weekends, which I hope will be ok.
I'm super scared maybe of the blow which will never come. I have a running tab in my mind of all the bad things at each job, which makes it hard to get the clarity to see if I really need to get a new job.
I want to keep them. At least, JLRAC. I'm super scared though. It's a tough job with a lot of responsibility. I'm not sure that I'm up to the task.
I was thinking about freelance writing, but that's similar to starting your own business and I don't know if I have the self-management skills for that. I want to get an at full-time at home job.
Thursday, August 23, 2018
Sunday, August 12, 2018
The Problem of Writing to Yourself and Becoming an Expert in Very Little Time
Now I suddenly have two jobs! I work at Whataburger in the mornings, Wed, and Fri and on Sat. and at the Jason Little Road Animal Clinic in the evenings Mon-Fri. I feel I am precariously perched on both jobs and on tenuous ground.
I do bring some value to the jobs, but on the other side of the world, I sometimes feel like I'm practically useless at the people aspect of things.
So I'm going to start writing. This is a start right here. I want to write, but not for myself, but for others. They are going to get the satisfaction that I get writing about myself. Really the truth is, I'm a horrible writer. When I write for other people I tend to copy other people verbatium. Mama Melania would be proud. How do I get from A to B, though. When I research, I really really suck at writing and try to reword exactly what they said with different words and sentence forms. That's what I remember about my brief stint as a copy writer.
They say fake it til you make it, but how do you comfortably move from writing I did, I said, I am, to another topic? Knowing that the topic is one I know little to nothing about, doesn't reassure me in the least. I am very afraid. Most niche writers, don't come from writing school, but from the niche itself. So to say you are purely a writer and don't just have a career and also write about it is a frightening prospect indeed. It's like weighing anchor and then throwing that same anchor overboard.
Similies aside, a lot of people believe in practice. A lot of people believe in spurts of inspiration. There's three types of writers. Practice writers and spurt writers. I know, I know I said that there are three types. Well, there's a middle ground. People can be practice writers, but they lose steam after a couple of pages and have to call it day and come back to write the next day. There are spurt writers whos spurts last years, which is encroaching into practice writing. So that's the middle ground, third group of writers.
Today, I'm talking about the first two, practice writers and spurt writers. Practice writers are those who work everyday and write everyday, regardless of the quality and the interest of the work. Spurt writers, on the other hand, write only when inspiration strikes, and they usually end up with the highest quality or lowest quality work. (I'm thinking lowest quality happens if they writer takes drugs and then uses that as inspiration.) They write in a passion, quickly as if they are about to breathe their last breath.
So what am I? I'm pretty sure the late nights at the keyboard in high school, and the long gaps between my blog postings would label me a spurt writer. Now all of this types of writers is distraction against the real problem of how do you move from a journaler and blogger to a person who writes for and about other people? No matter how you write, this is going to come up, because people write what they know and if they aren't experts why are we reading their work? And most everyone by age thirty is an expert at their adult self. How do we write about things we don't know?
We (and I) have to develop the talent of becoming deeply knowledgeable in a topic we know little about in a small amount of time.
Here's what I learned from a few internet searches.
1. Find the expert and interview them. Things will be more interesting and engaging than reading information on the internet and you will remember the information more. They know everything about the topic. Let them be the guide.
2. Filter. Don't let the unimportant information bog you down in your search for the most important, interesting, and relevant information. Learn to scan. Learn to identify poor resources. How do I do this? Through practice. I thought I was just surfing the internet for fun in the '00's but really I was learning to discern what was click bait and what was real fish. If you want to become an expert quickly, you have to weed out what's unimportant and irrelevant.
3. Where you write matters. Where you learn matters. You recall things better if you are learning them in a similar context. This is one place where I take the middle of the road and we come up against a spurt/practice writer dichotomy. You may like to take your computer to a different side of town to write. However you may like to go to the same coffee shop. It's really just your ability to recreate context in a given place. Practice remembering what you had for breakfast. Recall helps not only Philip K. Dick write a book that is turned into a movie starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, it helps you recall your experiences and knowledge base to help you, as an instant expert, to remember the details I learned last week to write the article this week.
4. Active learning. Write as you learn. Write notes. Write funny and insightful notes. Write notes that are detailed and inspiring. Write notes that interest you. If there's anyway to experience the topic other than reading about it, do so. You'll not only become a better writer, you'll become a better person.
5. There's this thing called grit that people have been trying to popularize lately. To me, grit is the number of times people have said no to you and you have recognized it. You have to be careful, because if you personalize grit, you will end up personalizing your writing. I definitely know this mistake. Impersonalizing your writing, is the other end of the stick, with none of your grit being personal, just about other people in a castle in the sky, not about anyone or anything in particular just a bunch of random prepositions and pronouns that don't mean anything to anyone. You see what I mean? So instead of completely internalizing or externalizing something that strikes us the wrong way in our research, we need to analyze it. You know that thing your English teacher in high school made you do to poetry?
6. Spend 1/3 of your time researching, then 1/3 organizing your notes and then 1/3 writing. You simply can't memorize large amounts of information about a topic. So use your filtering skills to research, your organizational skills to arrange and your writing skills to write. Don't try to memorize everything on the subject. Just take what you have and arrange it in a different way. In a way that you know your reader will understand.
7. Don't forget to reward yourself. Take a nap. Writing is hard work.
I got most all of this information from a TIME article titled "How to Become an Expert at Anything, According to the Experts."
Becoming an expert at a topic you know little about will help you write to others and for others.
Next week, To write to your reader or your client?
I do bring some value to the jobs, but on the other side of the world, I sometimes feel like I'm practically useless at the people aspect of things.
So I'm going to start writing. This is a start right here. I want to write, but not for myself, but for others. They are going to get the satisfaction that I get writing about myself. Really the truth is, I'm a horrible writer. When I write for other people I tend to copy other people verbatium. Mama Melania would be proud. How do I get from A to B, though. When I research, I really really suck at writing and try to reword exactly what they said with different words and sentence forms. That's what I remember about my brief stint as a copy writer.
They say fake it til you make it, but how do you comfortably move from writing I did, I said, I am, to another topic? Knowing that the topic is one I know little to nothing about, doesn't reassure me in the least. I am very afraid. Most niche writers, don't come from writing school, but from the niche itself. So to say you are purely a writer and don't just have a career and also write about it is a frightening prospect indeed. It's like weighing anchor and then throwing that same anchor overboard.
Similies aside, a lot of people believe in practice. A lot of people believe in spurts of inspiration. There's three types of writers. Practice writers and spurt writers. I know, I know I said that there are three types. Well, there's a middle ground. People can be practice writers, but they lose steam after a couple of pages and have to call it day and come back to write the next day. There are spurt writers whos spurts last years, which is encroaching into practice writing. So that's the middle ground, third group of writers.
Today, I'm talking about the first two, practice writers and spurt writers. Practice writers are those who work everyday and write everyday, regardless of the quality and the interest of the work. Spurt writers, on the other hand, write only when inspiration strikes, and they usually end up with the highest quality or lowest quality work. (I'm thinking lowest quality happens if they writer takes drugs and then uses that as inspiration.) They write in a passion, quickly as if they are about to breathe their last breath.
So what am I? I'm pretty sure the late nights at the keyboard in high school, and the long gaps between my blog postings would label me a spurt writer. Now all of this types of writers is distraction against the real problem of how do you move from a journaler and blogger to a person who writes for and about other people? No matter how you write, this is going to come up, because people write what they know and if they aren't experts why are we reading their work? And most everyone by age thirty is an expert at their adult self. How do we write about things we don't know?
We (and I) have to develop the talent of becoming deeply knowledgeable in a topic we know little about in a small amount of time.
Here's what I learned from a few internet searches.
1. Find the expert and interview them. Things will be more interesting and engaging than reading information on the internet and you will remember the information more. They know everything about the topic. Let them be the guide.
2. Filter. Don't let the unimportant information bog you down in your search for the most important, interesting, and relevant information. Learn to scan. Learn to identify poor resources. How do I do this? Through practice. I thought I was just surfing the internet for fun in the '00's but really I was learning to discern what was click bait and what was real fish. If you want to become an expert quickly, you have to weed out what's unimportant and irrelevant.
3. Where you write matters. Where you learn matters. You recall things better if you are learning them in a similar context. This is one place where I take the middle of the road and we come up against a spurt/practice writer dichotomy. You may like to take your computer to a different side of town to write. However you may like to go to the same coffee shop. It's really just your ability to recreate context in a given place. Practice remembering what you had for breakfast. Recall helps not only Philip K. Dick write a book that is turned into a movie starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, it helps you recall your experiences and knowledge base to help you, as an instant expert, to remember the details I learned last week to write the article this week.
4. Active learning. Write as you learn. Write notes. Write funny and insightful notes. Write notes that are detailed and inspiring. Write notes that interest you. If there's anyway to experience the topic other than reading about it, do so. You'll not only become a better writer, you'll become a better person.
5. There's this thing called grit that people have been trying to popularize lately. To me, grit is the number of times people have said no to you and you have recognized it. You have to be careful, because if you personalize grit, you will end up personalizing your writing. I definitely know this mistake. Impersonalizing your writing, is the other end of the stick, with none of your grit being personal, just about other people in a castle in the sky, not about anyone or anything in particular just a bunch of random prepositions and pronouns that don't mean anything to anyone. You see what I mean? So instead of completely internalizing or externalizing something that strikes us the wrong way in our research, we need to analyze it. You know that thing your English teacher in high school made you do to poetry?
6. Spend 1/3 of your time researching, then 1/3 organizing your notes and then 1/3 writing. You simply can't memorize large amounts of information about a topic. So use your filtering skills to research, your organizational skills to arrange and your writing skills to write. Don't try to memorize everything on the subject. Just take what you have and arrange it in a different way. In a way that you know your reader will understand.
7. Don't forget to reward yourself. Take a nap. Writing is hard work.
I got most all of this information from a TIME article titled "How to Become an Expert at Anything, According to the Experts."
Becoming an expert at a topic you know little about will help you write to others and for others.
Next week, To write to your reader or your client?
Saturday, April 14, 2018
my post before the end.
I may have found my forever home with Whataburger.
I know it's crazy, but I love that place.
I kinda wish I could do more stuff, but what I do right now is ok.
I don't always love Whataburger, sometimes I hate it. So that's how I know.
I really need to start talking more, but with that comes being really low, and with being really low comes nonfunctioning. Talking about sucking, I had to go home from work because I had the worst headache and felt nauseous. It was really bad. All the pain. I came home and slept the sleep of the ages. The whitest, I'm-sleeping-during-a-rainstorm sleep you could get.
Then came back with renewed vigor, the next day. For now, I'm staying here.
I know it's crazy, but I love that place.
I kinda wish I could do more stuff, but what I do right now is ok.
I don't always love Whataburger, sometimes I hate it. So that's how I know.
I really need to start talking more, but with that comes being really low, and with being really low comes nonfunctioning. Talking about sucking, I had to go home from work because I had the worst headache and felt nauseous. It was really bad. All the pain. I came home and slept the sleep of the ages. The whitest, I'm-sleeping-during-a-rainstorm sleep you could get.
Then came back with renewed vigor, the next day. For now, I'm staying here.
Sunday, March 25, 2018
Like Vezzini said, "Back to the Beginning"
So I'm here again. At the point where I need to get another job.
I love my job at Whataburger, but I'm not perfect for the job by any means and I feel like I should be looking, just in case.
I also feel like I'm a lesser person than I was when I was looking for the Whataburger job. I can't seem to focus on anything except my writing. When I write, I can focus, but looking for a job and my eyes feel like they are going in opposite directions and I can't seem to filter any of the jobs, or let go of the fear that I have. Maybe it's because I'm just starting to look and I need practice, but it's difficult for me not to compare myself to previous job searches.
Like Inigo Montoya, in The Princess Bride, I need to go back to the beginning.
I could apply at all the places I used to work and I was going to try that, but I got distracted and didn't.
On the list is:
Subway
Kroger
Chuck E. Cheese
Babies R' Us
6 Flags
I want to hit up all these places for jobs this week, and also, Mr. B's, cause it's so close to Subway.
I just don't know how to "be" anymore. I keep trying to find a future and some force keeps destroying it, where-ever I find it.
I'm afraid but I'm going to try it. I'm scared of Subway, Kroger, Chuck E. Cheese, Babies R' Us and 6 Flags, all for different reasons, but it's worth a try. I've worked at these positions before so I know what they are like.
I don't want a new job. I'm perfectly happy continuing with the job I have. However, I get the impression that maybe I would be better suited to another job. I feel like I had a few opportunities to do something different and I didn't take them. I'll end up like the guy who's been here 14 years and still just does cleaning.
I'm worried that I'll wait until the scared feeling goes away before vigorously applying myself to myself.
This is just all the bad stuff. Good stuff happens too, but we don't talk about it as much because we want to keep it close to us, savoring the good. So if you think that I'm awful, and that awful stuff happens to me all the time you'd be wrong, there is some great stuff, too. I'm just not a promoter of myself as much as I probably should be. For example, I walked to the coffee shop last night. I never do that. I got exercise and I got to be around great like-minded people and maybe learn something. I do great things and work hard at my job. I'm always trying new things, and making sure I keep up with the pace of the workers around me. I know there's ways I'm benefiting the restaurant.
Monday, March 19, 2018
Latest
Looking for jobs, especially at home jobs is extremely discouraging. I'm looking online and there's nothing on indeed, monster, simplyhired, ziprecruiter, or snagajob.
I'd have an easier time looking on indeed for just a general "job" search. All the "home" jobs are job listings with "home" in them, like home health care or home dish installer. Very discouraging.
I'd have an easier time looking on indeed for just a general "job" search. All the "home" jobs are job listings with "home" in them, like home health care or home dish installer. Very discouraging.
Sunday, March 11, 2018
Some notes
I want to work at home, but I feel like my serious attentions are met with ridicule. This is just a feeling, but a palpable one. All these work at home jobs are either scams, they need you to be super human typist such as captioning, or a super fun person like online tutoring, or a super something that I don't have. It's like none of the jobs are entry level. They all require some education or skill or hustling.
Tuesday, February 20, 2018
Musings of a Troubled Mind
I want a job. I need a job. I have a job. I have panic attacks when I get on the computer to look for a job. I have a part time job at a fast food restaurant and not much experience, mostly entry level.
No one believes in me.
I keep having panic attacks. Just today. I am looking for work at home jobs and they are either too technical and advanced or fake jobs.
I feel like I'm trying to write about the future, what happens to me in the future and I don't know anything about what happens to me in the future. I keep trying to bring myself back to myself, but I'm lost.
How to find a job in the midst of an existential crisis? I don't have anyone to trust.
I trust my mom to an extent, but I don't trust that she would appreciate or support me.
I don't really have anyone else in my life other than Elizabeth L., (recently, Billie), and Marie. And those three keep trying to dump me in the river. I'm a boring body.
So much for networking and marketing. I've been thinking about starting a series on networking and marketing, but I don't know that I'd be able to do all the upkeep, and fulfill the growth promised.
The idea is to go to as many of the meetups as I could in a month. Just go. And talk to people and network. I'm thinking about it. But March is coming up...Beware the IDES. Kinda just want to keep on keeping on.
Maybe I'm stressed about getting a new job because I'm not happy with my current job. I don't like the way my coworkers treat me. It's not that they are rude, in fact I don't think I've ever heard so many thank you's and pleases, and I'm sorry's. I think it's their attitude. Maybe it's my bad attitude? I will continue to try and do a good job and have the right attitude. I'm pretty positive.
I keep praying and I know that I'm going to be pushed off the ice cliff and into the waiting tiger seal's mouth. I keep feeling them pushing me over the edge of my mind. These people who are pushing me, are the church people. I do feel like a penguin. Also Antarctica is the only safe place left.
How to find a job. I feel incomplete so much of the time. Don't you have to feel wonderful to get a job?
Are we going through a recession? What is the most practical use of my time and money towards education to get a great paying and stable job?
I feel like I've done all this before and didn't get anywhere. So depressing.
So now I'm doing it all over again to get another dead end job?
I feel like education and job searches are a betting game. Do I bet on graphic design? Do I bet on insurance? What do I bet on to be a viable career? Who and what will be needed in four years?
Where is God in all of this? Adding Him provides another killing element to my soul. I have to live life by His (read churches') rules, too. And the churches' rules are the worst. They aren't even for you. They are personal things for others. At least that is how it has been for me. Aren't I supposed to put God first? How could I put Him first? Would He be my mother's God? Or some other person's appraisal of God? Would I have to work at 6 Flags? I get that spiritual message, a lot. I almost was a manager there, but I think most of 6 Flags has been worked out of me, through Whataburger. I don't see me going back.
So depressed and getting even more depressed.
I throught writing was supposed to help me. Cartharsis, and all that.
Question of the day:
How did you get the job you currently work at?
No one believes in me.
I keep having panic attacks. Just today. I am looking for work at home jobs and they are either too technical and advanced or fake jobs.
I feel like I'm trying to write about the future, what happens to me in the future and I don't know anything about what happens to me in the future. I keep trying to bring myself back to myself, but I'm lost.
How to find a job in the midst of an existential crisis? I don't have anyone to trust.
I trust my mom to an extent, but I don't trust that she would appreciate or support me.
I don't really have anyone else in my life other than Elizabeth L., (recently, Billie), and Marie. And those three keep trying to dump me in the river. I'm a boring body.
So much for networking and marketing. I've been thinking about starting a series on networking and marketing, but I don't know that I'd be able to do all the upkeep, and fulfill the growth promised.
The idea is to go to as many of the meetups as I could in a month. Just go. And talk to people and network. I'm thinking about it. But March is coming up...Beware the IDES. Kinda just want to keep on keeping on.
Maybe I'm stressed about getting a new job because I'm not happy with my current job. I don't like the way my coworkers treat me. It's not that they are rude, in fact I don't think I've ever heard so many thank you's and pleases, and I'm sorry's. I think it's their attitude. Maybe it's my bad attitude? I will continue to try and do a good job and have the right attitude. I'm pretty positive.
I keep praying and I know that I'm going to be pushed off the ice cliff and into the waiting tiger seal's mouth. I keep feeling them pushing me over the edge of my mind. These people who are pushing me, are the church people. I do feel like a penguin. Also Antarctica is the only safe place left.
How to find a job. I feel incomplete so much of the time. Don't you have to feel wonderful to get a job?
Are we going through a recession? What is the most practical use of my time and money towards education to get a great paying and stable job?
I feel like I've done all this before and didn't get anywhere. So depressing.
So now I'm doing it all over again to get another dead end job?
I feel like education and job searches are a betting game. Do I bet on graphic design? Do I bet on insurance? What do I bet on to be a viable career? Who and what will be needed in four years?
Where is God in all of this? Adding Him provides another killing element to my soul. I have to live life by His (read churches') rules, too. And the churches' rules are the worst. They aren't even for you. They are personal things for others. At least that is how it has been for me. Aren't I supposed to put God first? How could I put Him first? Would He be my mother's God? Or some other person's appraisal of God? Would I have to work at 6 Flags? I get that spiritual message, a lot. I almost was a manager there, but I think most of 6 Flags has been worked out of me, through Whataburger. I don't see me going back.
So depressed and getting even more depressed.
I throught writing was supposed to help me. Cartharsis, and all that.
Question of the day:
How did you get the job you currently work at?
Thursday, October 19, 2017
What Happened
I quit my job at Whataburger.
I did it to make myself happy. I was getting really depressed.
I wasn't making Whataburger happy, either. I wanted to make that place happy and I just couldn't adjust quickly enough.
I woke up and my body was like I'm going to flip out and kill someone today if I don't quit. So I had to listen. Got to stay safe.
So I'm back at home, with limited funds, looking for a job again. Not just any job, but a job that fits me and that I can do without destroying myself. I don't want to end up in another job where I can't promise what I said in the interview.
I feel really emotional and motivated. This might be good for a new start.
I'm listening to The Fizzle Show's Podcast on Motivation. It's some wisdom.
I signed up. I did it. The whole AVON thing. Makeup, lotion, gifts. I keep remembering this one student in college that talked to me at the bus station and I actually bought something that I thought was useful. It was a hair remover that I used for a while. I think I can really help people. She helped me by reaching out and this gives me a reason.
I need to talk to my mom about letting me use the other car. Insurance is about $90. I applied to UTA (I haven't paid the application fee yet.) and I made an appointment with the Nursing Advisor at TCC. I don't really have a plan, but going to school and learning something could help.
There's this phone number for an at home sales job that I need to call, and there it is. My plans for my new life.
Thank you, life.
I did it to make myself happy. I was getting really depressed.
I wasn't making Whataburger happy, either. I wanted to make that place happy and I just couldn't adjust quickly enough.
I woke up and my body was like I'm going to flip out and kill someone today if I don't quit. So I had to listen. Got to stay safe.
So I'm back at home, with limited funds, looking for a job again. Not just any job, but a job that fits me and that I can do without destroying myself. I don't want to end up in another job where I can't promise what I said in the interview.
I feel really emotional and motivated. This might be good for a new start.
I'm listening to The Fizzle Show's Podcast on Motivation. It's some wisdom.
I signed up. I did it. The whole AVON thing. Makeup, lotion, gifts. I keep remembering this one student in college that talked to me at the bus station and I actually bought something that I thought was useful. It was a hair remover that I used for a while. I think I can really help people. She helped me by reaching out and this gives me a reason.
I need to talk to my mom about letting me use the other car. Insurance is about $90. I applied to UTA (I haven't paid the application fee yet.) and I made an appointment with the Nursing Advisor at TCC. I don't really have a plan, but going to school and learning something could help.
There's this phone number for an at home sales job that I need to call, and there it is. My plans for my new life.
Thank you, life.
Sunday, October 8, 2017
Narrowing the Field
I've narrowed it down to several categories that I think I would be interested in.
Plants
Animals
Writing
Secretary
At Home
Business
For plants I need to get outdoors and clean up the yard, maybe plant a garden and see how I like that. I'm always pleased as punch when my native pepper plant bears fruit, taking care of plants seems rewarding, and my family has history with gardening, etc.
I love animals. So I'm thinking I need to volunteer at the animal shelter to see if it's a career path for me.
Writing, well, I'm writing this blog, and I have a viable children's book idea, that I'm working on, so I'm doing that to see if I can make this work as a regular thing.
As for secretary jobs, I do thing like make spreadsheets, organizing my desk and work, and make and fill out forms all day. My mom is a secretary and if I could share that with her, I'd feel even closer to her.
At home, I've been cleaning to see if I could motivate myself in this environment and it's been paying off. The next challenge is to put the baseboards up in my room and fix the sink.
As for business, I've been working at one and seeing how it works and how it functions and how the people interact with the company.
I know I'm missing aspects of these jobs that people need that I should be challenging myself to work on, but only you dear reader know what they are unless you comment. I will be awaiting your wise words.
Plants
Animals
Writing
Secretary
At Home
Business
For plants I need to get outdoors and clean up the yard, maybe plant a garden and see how I like that. I'm always pleased as punch when my native pepper plant bears fruit, taking care of plants seems rewarding, and my family has history with gardening, etc.
I love animals. So I'm thinking I need to volunteer at the animal shelter to see if it's a career path for me.
Writing, well, I'm writing this blog, and I have a viable children's book idea, that I'm working on, so I'm doing that to see if I can make this work as a regular thing.
As for secretary jobs, I do thing like make spreadsheets, organizing my desk and work, and make and fill out forms all day. My mom is a secretary and if I could share that with her, I'd feel even closer to her.
At home, I've been cleaning to see if I could motivate myself in this environment and it's been paying off. The next challenge is to put the baseboards up in my room and fix the sink.
As for business, I've been working at one and seeing how it works and how it functions and how the people interact with the company.
I know I'm missing aspects of these jobs that people need that I should be challenging myself to work on, but only you dear reader know what they are unless you comment. I will be awaiting your wise words.
Sunday, September 24, 2017
Job Searching Searching
Lately, I've been torn between choosing a job that is readily available and choosing a job that I would love. Because I love animals. But A LOT of people LOVE animals and there just isn't that great of a pool out there. Although, I would love a job that involved animals, is it really worth it, to slave away at a job that involves something I love but that I would never feel really worthy of because I know people who would be tons better at the job than I would be? Here I'm really devaluing myself. Maybe I'm just discouraged.
Lately, I've been thinking. I have a job. Maybe I should just stop there. It's good enough. The major qualms I have about this job are:
1. That it is not full time yet, and may never be if I'm not good enough.
2. That the pay is not awesome. $9.00/hr is great, but not enough to live on.
3. The work is flipping burgers. Not something great or grand or magnificent.
I love my job already and will put my heart and soul into flipping those burgers, but is it what I really want to do with my life? I know I shouldn't say "This is good enough."
So where do we go from here? Should I keep at the job I love because I love it and it will work out in the end? Should I pick up the job I hate because that's more long lasting and I can use my grittiness on it? I've got all these loose ends. Should I check out admin assistant jobs, which I haven't so far out of deference to my mom's admin assistant job? Should I try at home jobs, because I hate staying at home and because most are part time, they would fit in with my Whataburger job?
That's what I've been leaning into, lately. (also using the word "lately" a lot.) At home jobs. If I can find a part time one, I'd have something to do on the weekends, anyhow. And in my mind, I hate being at home all the time, but my lazy self, I love to relax as I do things. (This does have the same problems as animal jobs, as I think everyone would love to work from home.)
So as far as the list of job categories goes, here it is.
General (ex. warehousing)
Kids
Animals
At Home
Administrative Assistant
Restaurant
Entertainment/Tourism
Sales and Marketing
Car Related
I don't really hate or love any specific area.
On the one hand, since I got this job I felt like I should take a break from job searching, but on the other hand,I don't want my job searching skills to get rusty, especially if I'm not at this job very long.
After some deliberation, I have decided to stop searching for a job for a month, the month of October, and devote my full attention to my new job at Whataburger. Also, this will give me time to choose a career path, decide where my life is going or not going and choose a direction.
Lately, I've been thinking. I have a job. Maybe I should just stop there. It's good enough. The major qualms I have about this job are:
1. That it is not full time yet, and may never be if I'm not good enough.
2. That the pay is not awesome. $9.00/hr is great, but not enough to live on.
3. The work is flipping burgers. Not something great or grand or magnificent.
I love my job already and will put my heart and soul into flipping those burgers, but is it what I really want to do with my life? I know I shouldn't say "This is good enough."
So where do we go from here? Should I keep at the job I love because I love it and it will work out in the end? Should I pick up the job I hate because that's more long lasting and I can use my grittiness on it? I've got all these loose ends. Should I check out admin assistant jobs, which I haven't so far out of deference to my mom's admin assistant job? Should I try at home jobs, because I hate staying at home and because most are part time, they would fit in with my Whataburger job?
That's what I've been leaning into, lately. (also using the word "lately" a lot.) At home jobs. If I can find a part time one, I'd have something to do on the weekends, anyhow. And in my mind, I hate being at home all the time, but my lazy self, I love to relax as I do things. (This does have the same problems as animal jobs, as I think everyone would love to work from home.)
So as far as the list of job categories goes, here it is.
General (ex. warehousing)
Kids
Animals
At Home
Administrative Assistant
Restaurant
Entertainment/Tourism
Sales and Marketing
Car Related
I don't really hate or love any specific area.
On the one hand, since I got this job I felt like I should take a break from job searching, but on the other hand,I don't want my job searching skills to get rusty, especially if I'm not at this job very long.
After some deliberation, I have decided to stop searching for a job for a month, the month of October, and devote my full attention to my new job at Whataburger. Also, this will give me time to choose a career path, decide where my life is going or not going and choose a direction.
Monday, September 18, 2017
I got a Job
I got one.
Whataburger.
Part time increased to Full time, if I'm a good worker.
a dollar more than I'm making at Subway.
I can get there by using Uber.
Ryan Brown does this, and it seems to work for him.
I did the math and i still seem to turn a profit.
Is this what I want to do for the rest of my life? Am I having flashbacks of my Aunt Peggy working at Chick-fil-a? Am I worried about my vegetarian lifestyle? All these questions plague me. I worry about leaving Subway too soon. I love working there. I thought that they had enough people that I was not needed anymore, but I may have moved to soon.
How did I get the job? I got the job from indeed, found the phone number from Google, and called to see what was the best way to get hired. From there, I filled out an application online. They called me to schedule an interview. I barely got there on time with an uber, and had a last minute interview. I have to call to apologize for not getting my information in earlier, but was detained unavoidably.
That is the boring story of how I got the job.
Am I still going to look for another job? It's that or going back to school. I don't know which at this point, but I'm looking at Horticulture. The two problems with the program that I can see is that it is during the day for one and at the North East campus for two. Thus, if I'm working during the day, I might have problems with scheduling and it's a far drive for me. I'm not ruling it out yet, but scheduling and location conflicts are real.
I've got to pray that the Lord lets me make it these next two weeks.
Whataburger.
Part time increased to Full time, if I'm a good worker.
a dollar more than I'm making at Subway.
I can get there by using Uber.
Ryan Brown does this, and it seems to work for him.
I did the math and i still seem to turn a profit.
Is this what I want to do for the rest of my life? Am I having flashbacks of my Aunt Peggy working at Chick-fil-a? Am I worried about my vegetarian lifestyle? All these questions plague me. I worry about leaving Subway too soon. I love working there. I thought that they had enough people that I was not needed anymore, but I may have moved to soon.
How did I get the job? I got the job from indeed, found the phone number from Google, and called to see what was the best way to get hired. From there, I filled out an application online. They called me to schedule an interview. I barely got there on time with an uber, and had a last minute interview. I have to call to apologize for not getting my information in earlier, but was detained unavoidably.
That is the boring story of how I got the job.
Am I still going to look for another job? It's that or going back to school. I don't know which at this point, but I'm looking at Horticulture. The two problems with the program that I can see is that it is during the day for one and at the North East campus for two. Thus, if I'm working during the day, I might have problems with scheduling and it's a far drive for me. I'm not ruling it out yet, but scheduling and location conflicts are real.
I've got to pray that the Lord lets me make it these next two weeks.
Sunday, September 3, 2017
Writer Panic Attacks
I've been having panic attacks spinning articles for this one site. I used to sit down and chug out word after word of nothing to complete a $3-5 article, but for my body, I suppose my standards have risen. I can't write about something about which I'm not passionate. How strange that such standards would manifest themselves in fear and panic attacks.
So how do you deal with panic attacks that are keeping you from earning your bread and butter? This site is the only site with regular work that I'm a part of that I know I can write something and make solid money doing it.
Nick Usborne, in When Panic Attacks Writers promises that if you have a panic attack related to writing that you should take two hours away, doing something else. I think he's right. My brain is still on write mode though, I just might finish this.
So how do you deal with panic attacks that are keeping you from earning your bread and butter? This site is the only site with regular work that I'm a part of that I know I can write something and make solid money doing it.
Nick Usborne, in When Panic Attacks Writers promises that if you have a panic attack related to writing that you should take two hours away, doing something else. I think he's right. My brain is still on write mode though, I just might finish this.
Saturday, September 2, 2017
Waiting for my life to come around
I have to do it. I'm not doing it.
I'm waiting for "it" to "feel" "right."
It's like the stars have to align for things to be right, but really it's people and energy management. Things you can't really do consciously. It's like the unexplored section between consciousness and subconsciousness.
Just got to "do" it even if it's "bad." And it's gonna be bad.
...If I don't wait for the right time.
I'm waiting for "it" to "feel" "right."
It's like the stars have to align for things to be right, but really it's people and energy management. Things you can't really do consciously. It's like the unexplored section between consciousness and subconsciousness.
Just got to "do" it even if it's "bad." And it's gonna be bad.
...If I don't wait for the right time.
Monday, May 29, 2017
Job Hunting and Panic Attacks
I think this post is only for the shy, homebound, late sleeper job seeker, because although I am not always homebound, and a late sleeper, I am for today, this Memorial day. I slept til 6:00 pm! And I didn't talk to anyone but my mom! And lately at work, I am very quiet and haven't been making friends with anyone! Letting my friend fields go to ruin.
Shy, sleeping late, stay-at-home are my designations, today.
First thing I do when I get on the computer. I'm going to be productive. I'm not letting this evening go to waste. I look at my job search list, and quickly scan to see what I can do online. I open tabs on Care.com, Indeed.com, Craigslist.com, Facebook, Textbroker, Online-Writing-Jobs.com, and Freelancer.com.
I check out Care.com, selecting the ads that are in Arlington and seem to be a good fit. I kind of get on a tangent on my first ad, and don't believe that they will send back. Only twice have I gotten responses that were a fit, once for working as an Infant Teacher for Montesorri Acadamy and the other for a guy wanting me to help him write a book.
So I go through writing responses in varying degrees of sanity, hoping some nice couple with twins will be willing to write me back, but not really believing anyone will.
So I start to check out Indeed. Panic attack, shut down the tab. Craigslist. After quickly scanning the first page I get the impression that Everything is BORING. I quickly panic and then shut that down as well. Once I get a panic chain it's hard to stop. I close down, OWJs, and Freelancer, and after some finagling with the password on Textbroker, it, too, dies at the hand of the panic attack.
I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong. Am I bored? What is this intensity which causes me to shut down in the face of job searching? What am I doing wrong? Do I need a pep talk? A warm-up? Some mindless doing until I have the self-confidence to take on job searching?
What prep work do I need to do to build up the confidence to take on job searching and not close the tab at the first sign of difficulty?
I feel like there is something, but I don't know what it is. I'll never know what it is. I should just kill myself. I've been getting a lot of mental messages telling me I should just kill myself. and I've been answering them back "No, I don't want to kill myself. That's something I should not do." and I think it's really bad. Why would someone want to send that to me? I know people think they are "testing" you, but sometimes that's just a blind for what they really want to say to you, something they really want you to do. It's scary. Why would someone want me to kill myself? No wonder I'm hurt, and unable to do anything that seems big or scary or boring, I've got this fear of someone bringing down on my head that they are telling me to kill myself and I obviously don't want to do this, but I have tried to kill myself in the past and I feel like I'm susceptible to it. It's like punishing an alcohol addict with whisky to "keep him in line," to "make him serious about things." What the hell?
Not only does it not make him serious about things, it makes him less serious about things. If you want to make an alcoholic or anyone serious about things, take away their addiction and see them as a person with things to lose like anyone else. Use their weakeness for them. Stay on the side against their weaknesses. Don't work for the other side. I know my dad used to take the enemy's side, so that we would work against it, but I haven't seen him in years, and I don't want him in my life if he's going to disrupt my recovery and choose the side of insanity. It breaks my heart.
I feel like he's looking for an angle against me. If you are looking for an angle against me, here's one. I spill mine and everyone else's secrets in this blog. So keep me from being a rat against myself and others. I feel like I've been asleep all day and everyone had a chance to choose against me. Feels like shit. Sorry, this isn't supposed to be a rant against my dad, but this is what it has become. Take up arms against my sleeping late. Choose to be on my side, for a change, and not on the side which leaves me murdered by your secret sayings.
That dealt with, I'm still feeling panicky about going to get a job. What else is hiding in me that is stressing me beyond belief? My coworkers have been subconsciously talking to me about cutting. I don't know why, and nothing seems to be done about it. It's very upsetting because I have cut before. My legs, and I think once or twice my arms, once right in front of my brother and mom. If you think my writing this is insane and horrible, imagine not being able to deal with your inner tension in a safe way, cutting or trying to kill yourself. Believe me, this is a much better way.
He just went in and made a line. A "I'm going to murder you" line. What's the point of that? Why would you need to keep someone stressed out to a certain point all the time?
I could go for hours on the pros and cons of keeping people stressed out and the backwards and forwards of it, but I'm trying to gain some ground on the panic my brain is experiencing when I get anywhere close to getting a job.
I know that Logan, my boss, is somehow very sensitive about me getting a new job because I feel anxious about getting one and talking to him about it. So that's something I've been considering. Little beastie. He's lucky I'm not ragging on him like I am on my dad, but I hold my dad to a higher standard.
I feel like I need an opening...some sort of magical occurrence in the universe to get a new job. And while this is what my little kid believes, my adult brain doesn't believe it a whit. I know it will take dedication and perservence to get a new job. A lot of work.
So where do I come from? A place of dedication and perserverence.
Shy, sleeping late, stay-at-home are my designations, today.
First thing I do when I get on the computer. I'm going to be productive. I'm not letting this evening go to waste. I look at my job search list, and quickly scan to see what I can do online. I open tabs on Care.com, Indeed.com, Craigslist.com, Facebook, Textbroker, Online-Writing-Jobs.com, and Freelancer.com.
I check out Care.com, selecting the ads that are in Arlington and seem to be a good fit. I kind of get on a tangent on my first ad, and don't believe that they will send back. Only twice have I gotten responses that were a fit, once for working as an Infant Teacher for Montesorri Acadamy and the other for a guy wanting me to help him write a book.
So I go through writing responses in varying degrees of sanity, hoping some nice couple with twins will be willing to write me back, but not really believing anyone will.
So I start to check out Indeed. Panic attack, shut down the tab. Craigslist. After quickly scanning the first page I get the impression that Everything is BORING. I quickly panic and then shut that down as well. Once I get a panic chain it's hard to stop. I close down, OWJs, and Freelancer, and after some finagling with the password on Textbroker, it, too, dies at the hand of the panic attack.
I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong. Am I bored? What is this intensity which causes me to shut down in the face of job searching? What am I doing wrong? Do I need a pep talk? A warm-up? Some mindless doing until I have the self-confidence to take on job searching?
What prep work do I need to do to build up the confidence to take on job searching and not close the tab at the first sign of difficulty?
I feel like there is something, but I don't know what it is. I'll never know what it is. I should just kill myself. I've been getting a lot of mental messages telling me I should just kill myself. and I've been answering them back "No, I don't want to kill myself. That's something I should not do." and I think it's really bad. Why would someone want to send that to me? I know people think they are "testing" you, but sometimes that's just a blind for what they really want to say to you, something they really want you to do. It's scary. Why would someone want me to kill myself? No wonder I'm hurt, and unable to do anything that seems big or scary or boring, I've got this fear of someone bringing down on my head that they are telling me to kill myself and I obviously don't want to do this, but I have tried to kill myself in the past and I feel like I'm susceptible to it. It's like punishing an alcohol addict with whisky to "keep him in line," to "make him serious about things." What the hell?
Not only does it not make him serious about things, it makes him less serious about things. If you want to make an alcoholic or anyone serious about things, take away their addiction and see them as a person with things to lose like anyone else. Use their weakeness for them. Stay on the side against their weaknesses. Don't work for the other side. I know my dad used to take the enemy's side, so that we would work against it, but I haven't seen him in years, and I don't want him in my life if he's going to disrupt my recovery and choose the side of insanity. It breaks my heart.
I feel like he's looking for an angle against me. If you are looking for an angle against me, here's one. I spill mine and everyone else's secrets in this blog. So keep me from being a rat against myself and others. I feel like I've been asleep all day and everyone had a chance to choose against me. Feels like shit. Sorry, this isn't supposed to be a rant against my dad, but this is what it has become. Take up arms against my sleeping late. Choose to be on my side, for a change, and not on the side which leaves me murdered by your secret sayings.
That dealt with, I'm still feeling panicky about going to get a job. What else is hiding in me that is stressing me beyond belief? My coworkers have been subconsciously talking to me about cutting. I don't know why, and nothing seems to be done about it. It's very upsetting because I have cut before. My legs, and I think once or twice my arms, once right in front of my brother and mom. If you think my writing this is insane and horrible, imagine not being able to deal with your inner tension in a safe way, cutting or trying to kill yourself. Believe me, this is a much better way.
He just went in and made a line. A "I'm going to murder you" line. What's the point of that? Why would you need to keep someone stressed out to a certain point all the time?
I could go for hours on the pros and cons of keeping people stressed out and the backwards and forwards of it, but I'm trying to gain some ground on the panic my brain is experiencing when I get anywhere close to getting a job.
I know that Logan, my boss, is somehow very sensitive about me getting a new job because I feel anxious about getting one and talking to him about it. So that's something I've been considering. Little beastie. He's lucky I'm not ragging on him like I am on my dad, but I hold my dad to a higher standard.
I feel like I need an opening...some sort of magical occurrence in the universe to get a new job. And while this is what my little kid believes, my adult brain doesn't believe it a whit. I know it will take dedication and perservence to get a new job. A lot of work.
So where do I come from? A place of dedication and perserverence.
Saturday, May 13, 2017
Work Musings
I've been more and more spacey and feel less and less talented outside of work. Within work I feel more talented, but I'm concerned that I really need to start looking for a full time job.
However change doesn't happen overnight. My mom expressed that she thinks I should continue working at Subway instead of looking for a full-time job.
Since her opinion shapes my world, how do you think this feels for me to have her throw me away on a cheap part time job. She doesn't even think I could do a full time job.
She is so calloused and unfeeling to say that to me. I don't think she knows how much this hurts.
I need her help and her support, and if I don't have it, then it's almost futile to look for a full-time job.
So we had one conversation about it. I'm going to keep talking to her about it and hopefully she can help me, a little, by giving rides and being supportive.
We also had a conversation about how hard working at Subway is. It's really work, it's not like dancing around a Maypole. You know. But I'm ready to take on a full day's work, and when I'm spacing out as I come home, it's hard to get motivated to look for a part time job. I've already had two job opportunity things that I've been considering shot down by my mom, being a truck driver with paid tuition and working for a temporary agency, which I wasn't sure if I could do in concurrence with Subway, but thought they would help me gain experience in the administrative assistant biz and get my foot in the door.
There's this job from Care.com from a person in Grand Prairie who wanted help with their kid, but I don't live in Grand Prairie and I don't know that I could. And.... I can't seem to find the email that they sent me.
I think I've narrowed my job search to Craigslist, even though it's the underbelly of the internet. Maybe Indeed, although I always feel super discouraged applying because so many people already have applied to that job.
I think my dad's coming back to the US, has helped me to get a job, but I don't know if it will happen again. I want to contact DARS to help, but I feel like I really don't have a a disability, just an unreasonable desire to get coffee and not being able to get up in the morning. Other than that, normal people struggles.
Other ways to make money are freelance writing sites, even though I'm a crappy writer, who's ability to write about herself is her strongest feature, and babysitting job websites. There's the newspaper, but most of those jobs are either for day laborers or skilled workers, and job fairs...I can barely get up in the morning, forget getting my mom to take me to one of those.
The thing about DARS, is that I get to share the burden of me finding a job. I have someone to talk to, as a career counselor. I just don't want to get shoved under the rug, like I was, working with Six Flags. It was not a permanent job, and I knew it. I gave up A LOT spiritually to get a job there. I don't know what I have left spiritually to give.
However change doesn't happen overnight. My mom expressed that she thinks I should continue working at Subway instead of looking for a full-time job.
Since her opinion shapes my world, how do you think this feels for me to have her throw me away on a cheap part time job. She doesn't even think I could do a full time job.
She is so calloused and unfeeling to say that to me. I don't think she knows how much this hurts.
I need her help and her support, and if I don't have it, then it's almost futile to look for a full-time job.
So we had one conversation about it. I'm going to keep talking to her about it and hopefully she can help me, a little, by giving rides and being supportive.
We also had a conversation about how hard working at Subway is. It's really work, it's not like dancing around a Maypole. You know. But I'm ready to take on a full day's work, and when I'm spacing out as I come home, it's hard to get motivated to look for a part time job. I've already had two job opportunity things that I've been considering shot down by my mom, being a truck driver with paid tuition and working for a temporary agency, which I wasn't sure if I could do in concurrence with Subway, but thought they would help me gain experience in the administrative assistant biz and get my foot in the door.
There's this job from Care.com from a person in Grand Prairie who wanted help with their kid, but I don't live in Grand Prairie and I don't know that I could. And.... I can't seem to find the email that they sent me.
I think I've narrowed my job search to Craigslist, even though it's the underbelly of the internet. Maybe Indeed, although I always feel super discouraged applying because so many people already have applied to that job.
I think my dad's coming back to the US, has helped me to get a job, but I don't know if it will happen again. I want to contact DARS to help, but I feel like I really don't have a a disability, just an unreasonable desire to get coffee and not being able to get up in the morning. Other than that, normal people struggles.
Other ways to make money are freelance writing sites, even though I'm a crappy writer, who's ability to write about herself is her strongest feature, and babysitting job websites. There's the newspaper, but most of those jobs are either for day laborers or skilled workers, and job fairs...I can barely get up in the morning, forget getting my mom to take me to one of those.
The thing about DARS, is that I get to share the burden of me finding a job. I have someone to talk to, as a career counselor. I just don't want to get shoved under the rug, like I was, working with Six Flags. It was not a permanent job, and I knew it. I gave up A LOT spiritually to get a job there. I don't know what I have left spiritually to give.
Monday, January 16, 2017
I feel a lot of things.
I started to work on my job situation. I have a job at the moment but it doesn't start until February. I'm going to get another job to get out of working there, but I don't want to quit it until I'm sure I have another job.
I did my Babysitting job website sweep, and Sittercity and Care had some hits. Urbansitter still needs a video, which I can't make on my compy. I'm going to ask my mom to help me make it with her iphone. Care4hire has nothing on it.
I emailed DARS.
Then I got stuck. I wanted to get on craigslist and robot through the ads, but something held me back. I feel confused and embarrassed about some of the things suggested on that site. However, I have gotten a job on there before. I don't know how legit it was, but I was paid real money and I was really working.
I couldn't even go past that to writing jobs.
And as for getting out, I imagine today's not a great day for it, being a holiday.
I don't have any friends to take me out.
There are no job fairs today.
As for the newspaper, they only had one ad that seemed to be of interest and it even was rather sketchy looking.
I've been sailing in and out of different forms of depression all day.
Talking to Jeffery Young. Nice to have someone to relate to.
I want to go to the church meeting, but I also feel tired from staying up all night.
I keep getting stuck in waiting. I feel really dumb and hate the feeling of being boxed up and doing nothing. Is that what I do to recharge? Sit and stare a things? I was trying to find something more substantial, but I guess that's just too much for some me. Because I want to be doing things so bad.
I feel like everyone is cutthroat these days.
My mom is sleeping her day away and watching TV. I guess things could be worse.
I feel so aggressive. Angry. I'm not sure if I should pacify the anger and let it dissipate or use it.
And I feel sad. I feel a lot of things.
Sunday, January 15, 2017
I didn't get a job by
I didn't get a job by:
Staying
home
Not
networking / being alone all the time
Being
rigid towards myself and others
Overthinking
things
Over
complicating things
Being
overly intro- or outro- spective without a balance
Mismanaging
time
Not
sacrificing to get a job
Not depending on others
To get a job:
Get out
You can get out by walking to local places near you to get a job, having people such as friends or family take you places,
Network, Know you aren't alone
Be flexible
Don't think at all
Don't be complicated
Be even about looking at yourself
Manage your time wisely
Sacrifice
Depend on others
To get a job:
Get out
You can get out by walking to local places near you to get a job, having people such as friends or family take you places,
Network, Know you aren't alone
Be flexible
Don't think at all
Don't be complicated
Be even about looking at yourself
Manage your time wisely
Sacrifice
Depend on others
Monday, January 9, 2017
My Main Motivation for Finding a Job Soon and Freelance Writing Sites that I Trust to Get the Job Done
I'm trying to get a snappy new job so that my mom doesn't have to support me and so that I can support myself and to pay off my student loans. I would also include tithe.
There's tons of little things I'd like to spend my money on. Getting the laptop keyboard fixed. I am now not able to use the letter "z," I have to copy and paste, and clothes, as I keep running out of bras and pants. I would like to get some new purses, and order food out, or go to the store to get candy.
However, I am not going to do any of these things until I pay my debt to the to my mom who helped me out, paying for my classes and the federal government. I must practice what I preach and put paying my debt first. My mom says that she won't use the social security money I am receiving to pay for my student loans, anymore. So money wise that would be a 10% debt and a 90% to loans.
This means I have no choice but to get a job.
Tomorrow, if all goes well, I will get out to look for a job. Until then, since I can't go out, I'll work on online writing jobs.
Textbroker.com is the most reliable site to get paid. Then there's Freelancer.com on which I got a job which didn't go well, and Upwork.com where I'm yet to get a job. Then there's Online-Writing-Jobs.com which I think will help me get a "bread-and-butter" job, a job that you can get to "pay the bills."
I don't know what specifications I should use to find said writing job. I don't really have any guidance in this area. Should I be focusing on SEO since it is the biggest thing right now? Should I be focusing on editing, since a lot of the time that's what I feel like doing instead of writing? I could focus on specific areas such as family or pets or business. I feel like I have too much freedom and not enough vision in this area.
Therefore, I am paying off my student loans and when I can't get out I'm looking for online writing jobs. I have no clue what I should be specializing in so Jesus take the wheel.
Tuesday, December 27, 2016
Accidental Jesus Rant
I got up supra early this morning. My previous self would be so jealous of me right now!
5am.
That's how early.
Enjoying the Lord Jesus.
I think I come on to blogger and complain about things for two reasons: one; to prove that I'm a person with conflict and two, to hide the good things inside of me and never let them out. To save and savor them, keep them a secret between me and Jesus, when it turns out I'm not helping other people.
Witness Lee always says we are great lovers of God until it comes to other people. Then we get exposed. I am exposed in my writing because there are other people involved other than just me. I really appreciate the dealings of conscience that I get. There's not just my conflict: there's other people and their conflicts.
I just have to sacrifice what I don't want to sacrifice if I want to keep writing this blog, and I really do. Before, in 2005, I had no readers, so it didn't matter, but the Lord has actually blessed me with readers, so I must consider their thoughts and intentions.
I wanted to share that with you because I care about ya'll and I want you to know I'm thinking about you when I write. So I shall write on, and on shall I write!
Enjoying the Lord Jesus.
I think I come on to blogger and complain about things for two reasons: one; to prove that I'm a person with conflict and two, to hide the good things inside of me and never let them out. To save and savor them, keep them a secret between me and Jesus, when it turns out I'm not helping other people.
Witness Lee always says we are great lovers of God until it comes to other people. Then we get exposed. I am exposed in my writing because there are other people involved other than just me. I really appreciate the dealings of conscience that I get. There's not just my conflict: there's other people and their conflicts.
I just have to sacrifice what I don't want to sacrifice if I want to keep writing this blog, and I really do. Before, in 2005, I had no readers, so it didn't matter, but the Lord has actually blessed me with readers, so I must consider their thoughts and intentions.
I wanted to share that with you because I care about ya'll and I want you to know I'm thinking about you when I write. So I shall write on, and on shall I write!
Wednesday, December 21, 2016
Old Job Places
I am scouting out all my old job places that I've worked before, trying to get a job there, because I know they are all good places to work. I used to work at Subway, Kroger and Chuck E. Cheese, all places within walking distance.
I've had really low self-esteem lately about getting a job, lately. My mom has been putting off taking me places, and it's difficult to get out of the house and up in the morning. I think my mom wants me to wait until the holidays are over to look for a job, and I feel like I can't wait. She is probably right, though, I should just take a breather.
Took a stand today, to go to the strip mall in Pantego, near my house. I woke up late and was angry about that, then I took the dog for a long walk, which I felt she needed. I wasn't sure I would get out again, but I did and everything was worth it.
Life comes at you fast, but if you are ready, you can catch and pass.
I've had really low self-esteem lately about getting a job, lately. My mom has been putting off taking me places, and it's difficult to get out of the house and up in the morning. I think my mom wants me to wait until the holidays are over to look for a job, and I feel like I can't wait. She is probably right, though, I should just take a breather.
Took a stand today, to go to the strip mall in Pantego, near my house. I woke up late and was angry about that, then I took the dog for a long walk, which I felt she needed. I wasn't sure I would get out again, but I did and everything was worth it.
Life comes at you fast, but if you are ready, you can catch and pass.
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