And yet I go.,..

I finally got a job interview!  I have it at one today.  I feel sick, weak, and shaky, though.  I don't know how much of that is interview stress and how much is other stress.  I'm nervous, even though I don't care if I get the job or not, which is long story. 

I worked at Babies R' Us in 2009.  I had a great time, I was learning new things, and I felt like I had a great job.  The first day I had some money stolen out of my bag, and there was another clerk who was really nice, but I didn't see her very much after that.  The thing is we are supposed to ask if they want to buy batteries and if we don't do that...we have to give them a free gift card.  I forgot several times.  And so the day came where I didn't want to go into work at all.  And so it was spoken and so it was that I did not go in. I did call first to tell them.  And I went back to school and that was the end of that. 

Why would I apply again?  I think it was part desperation, part really hoping things there had changed. They have a lot of turnover of employees.  I don't know if that means they are good at building people up or they are lousy at it.  I feel like I have three months to get my act together, then it's curtains for me at that job. 

I calculated that would be about a $1500 for three months.  I can pay off some debt I have on my unsubsidized loans.  First thing to worry about.  And in the meantime look for another job, either at Toy's "R" Us or moving on up the ladder at Babies. 

I know I'm a wreckage of a human being, but even undead skeletons need to eat souls.I don't take the way of someone else, but my own way.  This is a hard path to travel.  I can be wrong, really wrong at times.  I probably don't even deserve a job.  Even a weak one like this one. I'm crumbling into dust as I write this. 

And yet I go...