I was feeling the burn trying to find a real job in Arlington. Ok, I was working kind a hard, and trying to "discover" myself a long the way. It's a kid thing I never grew out of.
Not as hard as I should have, trying to find a day job.
When all a sudden I had an epiphany. I would work at home. That way I could sidestep my inability to get along with other people, and how to change in the right way and how to be perfect.... my inner perfectionist comes out and yells at me, as far as jobs are concerned.
And I can't see how this is terrible. This stepping down to let others take the "better" (i.e. more challenging, i.e. unfun jobs). Isn't a job by very definition, unfun?
I have all these paranoid, schizophrenic ideas about jobs. That they are sending secret messages to people through their job postings and I have to have all these super abundant spiritual gifts. I don't,and I'm not even confident. I have lost my self confidence. And it is very upsetting that I didn't really get anything out of it.
I'm starting to complain a whole lot more. I think that's an old woman thing. Goes with the house.
So i had this epiphany. I could work at home! Woot Woot! I live at home, I enjoy at home, I suffer at home. Why not add work to the occasion.
It was brilliant, until my paranoia kicked in.
1.) I'm lost my self-confidence. (And my ability to proper grammar.)
2.) I'm afraid of being depressed. Have you seen the tongue depressor? It's sorta like that for your entire body.
3.) I don't know how to organize the search. If anyone gets lost in the woods, please don't ask me to organize the search. There's just so much out there. Freelancing, Mom's who work at home. Companies who hire people to stalk Googlers. There's just so much.
I guess I'm just the reaper of what other people have sown like in the Bible. Reaping's not fun man. There's this huge sickle and you have to swish it just right, no, just no. I cannot even. I don't feel justified in swishing my golden sickle over all the work at home jobs. Also, I seriously need a boyfriend. If I'm ever going to family, this has got to happen soon. It's like I'm pruning in the sun, and I gotta get some of this baby juice out before I dry up completely.
I'm not going to RP it thank you very much. I do fear becoming an irresponsible parent sans husband. Healthy fear? Well, you never know.
The thing is we kinda need the capital, but we kind a don't need the capital. Because my mom works full time, she has enough to pay for the house the car, and the electricity. She uses my small SS check to buy groceries for me, and fast food for me. And that's it. I have $200 in the bank for emergencies.
So what would the capital be used forwith? I would not build a wall. There's already one like it in China, Doesn't work, didn't you see Mulan? I think it would become like the Berlin wall and rebound and Mexico and the United States would become one. Which is my main argument for Trump and his wall. But no one believes anything he says. But it's said, you know.
So I would use it on, 1. Paying Back My Debt. 2. Tithe 3. Clothes 4. Puppy
That's all I got so far. I have mountains of debt. I'll never get enough capital to pay off my debt. Maybe I shouldn't tithe. Clothes. I need clothes. It's a reasonable expense, I would buy snacks and maybe classes for my dog. Paper and ink for my printer. waste of a feel good time. Gifts. I'm a big believer in gifts for others, when I think of taking care of them that way. So really just Debt and Miscellaneous and Clothes. A lot of Debt.
The problem is, I turned to these notebooks, and I feel like I can act like a child in my private life and it won't affect my work life. Now the two are overlapping and I'm seeing what an idiot I am.
Not fun. On the bright side I can't really stick to a schedule, I can't stop drinking coffee for whatever reason, and I can't keep normal sleeping hours. So I'm all good.
On the real bright side. I've been practicing my typing and I think I'm getting really good at it. Maybe 50 wpm. Probably only 45 wpm. Still I've been doing this everyday. Also been showering, ( Honestly, I hate showering) doing dishes and walking the dog, almost every day.
So I'm stuck with some debt. I can type 45 wpm, clean house and walk dogs.
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