So I'm here and it's Sunday, the day of rest according to so many Americans. And I'm guilty of moving, much less hashing out my job situation. Yay, guilt! But really, if you want to keep the Sabbeth, it's on Saturday.
And it's an Old Testament law, which no one follows anymore, except don't murder and don't steal.
I think the Sabbeth rest is whenever you finish your work really, before you present it to others. Work then rest and then things will become clear.
So I'm freshly fired.
I feel like I have a raw and bleeding soul in regards to childcare. I fell in love with my babies at the Bambino Palace and I couldn't bear the thought of letting any others into my heart. I became really attached to those little guys and found myself changing diapers for the first time, and feeding babies, wiping googly milk faces. It all was a whirlwind of sweet babyness.
I'd like to move on though, and although it's too early for childcare, maybe there's another type of job out there for me.
Sunday, May 29, 2016
Job Wisdom
Once someone does something to keep a family together, they are responsible forever for that togetherness that the family depends on, no matter how lightly they take the act and expect payment for, they are considered that family's god and they should treat their act as an act of a god, insteads of a coincidence.
So how did I get this job in the first place? I was several things you can't plan.
1. Being the right person in the right place in the right time.
2. Brimming with confidence.
3. The desire of fuck you.
4. A mindless drone doing the will of my master.
5. I was prepared for the unexpected
6. My mom, who is my family, was ready to support me.
7. I was in the "zone," i.e. nothing could touch me.
Getting hired is not the same as having a job.
I think a job is spiritual and mental, as much as physical. An athlete, a marathoners has to plan to run for a very long time, thus he's not spending any extra energy on strival things like bursting ahead at the starting line. He knows his limits and his energy burning capacity. Compared to something like being an infant teacher, she must know the developmental needs of the infants and her effect on them to pace the student and herself, that neither of them would develop a "learning cramp" and get stuck behind. That they each would have the energy to finish the race.
I write, but I have no clue what I'm talking about. I only vaugly dipped my bread into the green, smooth olive oil which is pacing yourself. I'm a sprinter in nature. Love me some shiftgig.
Please readers, those who have been at a job for more than 2-5 years, share some of your experiences.
The desire to get a job is not having a job.
These two things had me confused for a long time. I thought if I wanted this schedule of going to a place and doing what I was asked to, I would have a job. This is not the case. In many cases, the job has you.
So how did I get this job in the first place? I was several things you can't plan.
1. Being the right person in the right place in the right time.
2. Brimming with confidence.
3. The desire of fuck you.
4. A mindless drone doing the will of my master.
5. I was prepared for the unexpected
6. My mom, who is my family, was ready to support me.
7. I was in the "zone," i.e. nothing could touch me.
Getting hired is not the same as having a job.
I think a job is spiritual and mental, as much as physical. An athlete, a marathoners has to plan to run for a very long time, thus he's not spending any extra energy on strival things like bursting ahead at the starting line. He knows his limits and his energy burning capacity. Compared to something like being an infant teacher, she must know the developmental needs of the infants and her effect on them to pace the student and herself, that neither of them would develop a "learning cramp" and get stuck behind. That they each would have the energy to finish the race.
I write, but I have no clue what I'm talking about. I only vaugly dipped my bread into the green, smooth olive oil which is pacing yourself. I'm a sprinter in nature. Love me some shiftgig.
Please readers, those who have been at a job for more than 2-5 years, share some of your experiences.
The desire to get a job is not having a job.
These two things had me confused for a long time. I thought if I wanted this schedule of going to a place and doing what I was asked to, I would have a job. This is not the case. In many cases, the job has you.
Friday, May 27, 2016
Having a job is not the same as wanting a job.
So I got a job. It was an infant caretaker at Montessori Bambino Palace on Mayfield in Arlington, TX for almost three weeks.
There were four brilliant little people under my charge.
I got fired. I think it was because I called CPS on this one family whose child showed bruises. They said it was because I didn't change diapers at the end of the day and that I didn't stop all the kids from crying at once, which was practically impossible, but I believe it was because of the kid.
He showed a huge bruise on his lower back and when I talked to the social worker it seemed as if they have had another case called against them because they wouldn't take their child to the doctor.
I am so bummed and discouraged right now. If anyone wants to cheer me up, please do.
There were four brilliant little people under my charge.
I got fired. I think it was because I called CPS on this one family whose child showed bruises. They said it was because I didn't change diapers at the end of the day and that I didn't stop all the kids from crying at once, which was practically impossible, but I believe it was because of the kid.
He showed a huge bruise on his lower back and when I talked to the social worker it seemed as if they have had another case called against them because they wouldn't take their child to the doctor.
I am so bummed and discouraged right now. If anyone wants to cheer me up, please do.
Monday, February 29, 2016
Job Getting
I'm thinking a lot about getting a job.
I want to lie on my resume and whatnot. But that seems really dumb.
I want to wait for a job to fall into my lap, because of my good works and hobnobbing, but that seems really dumb, too.
Both of them seem like they would make really good stories, but people (I) can't be a character in her own story. I have to go out not knowing. Plan without planning.
I feel like there should be some advice on getting a job.
Like....
Spend a lot of time self improving.
Look for connections around places you like to hang out.
Follow your loves: Puppies, Books, and Rights for all.
I want to lie on my resume and whatnot. But that seems really dumb.
I want to wait for a job to fall into my lap, because of my good works and hobnobbing, but that seems really dumb, too.
Both of them seem like they would make really good stories, but people (I) can't be a character in her own story. I have to go out not knowing. Plan without planning.
I feel like there should be some advice on getting a job.
Like....
Spend a lot of time self improving.
Look for connections around places you like to hang out.
Follow your loves: Puppies, Books, and Rights for all.
Sunday, February 28, 2016
Update
1. Embrace your physical appearance.
I was going to say, yes, I have embraced my appearance. Then I realized I was fat and had weird hair and had acne and funky glasses. But most of the time, I embrace my appearance, so I've been accepting myself for who I am. A nice place to be.
2. Take control of your health.
Today I didn't have coffee, if you could call 6pm to 12pm a day. I actually made coffee. and then didn't drink it. I thought about my dog and how much I loved her and how cute she was being and I was inspired to make a change. So yay! Gave up coffee for a day!
My sleep schedule is a mess though. I'm thinking about going to my room and sleeping, now at 2:20 pm, so I can get up later in the morning. Maybe my sleeping in is a rebellion of sorts. I can't control it one way, I control it another way. Sleep in extra. It really makes me furious. Why isn't my schedule normal like everyone else's. I get all wired and can't sleep, or sleep like a ginormous Koala, the sleepiest animal in the animal kingdom.
My ideal schedule would be from 10pm to 7am. That's exactly 10 hours, so koala girl can get her sleep on, regardless of the 8 hour rule.
Going to sleep now, even though, I've just slept like an entire day.
Day 3. I look in the mirror this afternoon and I see ugliness. I slept til 1, didn't get up to cancel my appointment which my mom couldn't make, and just lay there thirty minutes before I got up because everything was too....intense. I just couldn't deal. Life was too huge. And I looked in the mirror and saw ugliness.
The truth is, I don't know if I should be doing this blog, because I feel like life doesn't need a narrator and sometimes narration itself hinders the story unfolding. But it does keep me on track and focused. So if I suddenly disappear, that's what happened to me. Life got in the way.
Some people say ugliness is not accepting yourself. I think this must be true. This morning I couldn't accept that I was not able to get up earlier and judged myself on this. I was judging everything! I even half-sleepily judged my mom for not being able to get off work earlier to drop me off at my hair appointment, but still had time to mow the grass. Maybe Ugliness is just judging, itself.
I couldn't hug my ugliness today, but I will give it some thought on Ninja and my walk. Do I judge? Am I judging? What is it to forgive?
As for taking charge of my health, I didn't drink coffee yesterday, or today. Yes! It's great to feel like you are taking the right steps. I brushed my teeth last night. I think I remember not washing my face, although I can't remember why.
Find a personal mantra. I have one. And I've been using it. Things are good.
Get a hobby. I believe mine is beading/jewelry making at least for now. I've been spending my time trying to find these Scoubidou, or hollow plastic lacing. I got one package that was not hollow and have ordered to others that look promising to make a button ring. Ordered some huge wooden buttons that I can paint and have big holes. We will see if they work with the Scoubidou.
Figure out how to destress Guided imagery. I will try that. I think it's like books on tape or something.
2. Take control of your health.
Today I didn't have coffee, if you could call 6pm to 12pm a day. I actually made coffee. and then didn't drink it. I thought about my dog and how much I loved her and how cute she was being and I was inspired to make a change. So yay! Gave up coffee for a day!
My sleep schedule is a mess though. I'm thinking about going to my room and sleeping, now at 2:20 pm, so I can get up later in the morning. Maybe my sleeping in is a rebellion of sorts. I can't control it one way, I control it another way. Sleep in extra. It really makes me furious. Why isn't my schedule normal like everyone else's. I get all wired and can't sleep, or sleep like a ginormous Koala, the sleepiest animal in the animal kingdom.
My ideal schedule would be from 10pm to 7am. That's exactly 10 hours, so koala girl can get her sleep on, regardless of the 8 hour rule.
Going to sleep now, even though, I've just slept like an entire day.
Day 3. I look in the mirror this afternoon and I see ugliness. I slept til 1, didn't get up to cancel my appointment which my mom couldn't make, and just lay there thirty minutes before I got up because everything was too....intense. I just couldn't deal. Life was too huge. And I looked in the mirror and saw ugliness.
The truth is, I don't know if I should be doing this blog, because I feel like life doesn't need a narrator and sometimes narration itself hinders the story unfolding. But it does keep me on track and focused. So if I suddenly disappear, that's what happened to me. Life got in the way.
Some people say ugliness is not accepting yourself. I think this must be true. This morning I couldn't accept that I was not able to get up earlier and judged myself on this. I was judging everything! I even half-sleepily judged my mom for not being able to get off work earlier to drop me off at my hair appointment, but still had time to mow the grass. Maybe Ugliness is just judging, itself.
I couldn't hug my ugliness today, but I will give it some thought on Ninja and my walk. Do I judge? Am I judging? What is it to forgive?
As for taking charge of my health, I didn't drink coffee yesterday, or today. Yes! It's great to feel like you are taking the right steps. I brushed my teeth last night. I think I remember not washing my face, although I can't remember why.
Find a personal mantra. I have one. And I've been using it. Things are good.
Get a hobby. I believe mine is beading/jewelry making at least for now. I've been spending my time trying to find these Scoubidou, or hollow plastic lacing. I got one package that was not hollow and have ordered to others that look promising to make a button ring. Ordered some huge wooden buttons that I can paint and have big holes. We will see if they work with the Scoubidou.
Figure out how to destress Guided imagery. I will try that. I think it's like books on tape or something.
Thursday, February 25, 2016
Self Improvement, Baby Steps
Ok is there some sort of natural law that means you can't plan things for yourself? Because I feel like that's what's been happening to me lately. And by lately I mean the past 31 years. I keep trying and trying and it's just a mess. I want to give someone my plans and have them make me do them. I think that's called a long-term relationship. Except I can't plan myself into one, because I can't plan anything! I guess it's called "ask someone." The only person I see regularly is my mom and I think it's weird to ask your mom to help you find a LTR. And he has to beat all my previous boyfriends, like in Scott Pilgrim Versus the World. I'm not saying this for me, but I will feel like I lesser being if we had to submit to some ex.
So the whole planning thing, I was planning to follow advice in my thirties, only to find that I cannot. I am a mess and cannot hold a spoon. My muscle skills are fading. I feel like I have the start of Parkinson's. I run into things.
Ok, so I'm exaggerating a little, but it does feel like I have to work extra hard to type.
Back to planning. How should I do this? Take one thing and work on it? One subheading under one category a day? I have a lot to self-explore. And someone recommended that I should just be. Square one isn't where I want to start, but if I don't I know I'll be in trouble in the future. Being is just so ambiguous. From "10 Tips for Loving Life (and Yourself) in Your 30s, by Raluca State in Huffpost Women, the First tip is 1. Embrace your physical appearance.
This is great and I have embraced it. Lately though, I've been really weird about my clothes. They exhaust me. Maybe I can explore that and I have been using Proactiv. I haven't been keeping up with it though. Start from the beginning. Make some habits, keep them.
I'm usually pretty chill about what I look like, but I also keep to myself. I don't have anyone making fun of me on a regular basis. My mom occasionally makes comments if my jeans are especially butt crack prone or my hair. But it doesn't really garner any great change. I look for jeans that fit me, but I have a weird body shape.
2. Take control of your health.
I drink too much coffee. I take too much pills. But be. So maybe I can habitually stop this. Stock the fridge with sodas and other special drinks. so I won't be tempted to drink coffee. No coffee. As for the pills, I'm scared. I'm really scared to ask and then get rejected and then to assert my rights as a consumer to refuse treatment, because I have my mom and Dr. A to deal with. I want to get off the pills, but be stable, as well. I don't want to go crazy. Which is the atmosphere my mom presents when I come home telling her I'm off something. She starts this "I think you aren't thinking properly. You really need the medication.:" in her robot voice.
It's weird how much health is an emotional issue.
Sleep determines how healthy we are. I'll have to implement that Top 10 Ways to Get a Good Night's Sleep, by Mark Stibich.
Exercise: This has to do with both physical appearance and health. I think two is fine for now. Baby Steps.
So the whole planning thing, I was planning to follow advice in my thirties, only to find that I cannot. I am a mess and cannot hold a spoon. My muscle skills are fading. I feel like I have the start of Parkinson's. I run into things.
Ok, so I'm exaggerating a little, but it does feel like I have to work extra hard to type.
Back to planning. How should I do this? Take one thing and work on it? One subheading under one category a day? I have a lot to self-explore. And someone recommended that I should just be. Square one isn't where I want to start, but if I don't I know I'll be in trouble in the future. Being is just so ambiguous. From "10 Tips for Loving Life (and Yourself) in Your 30s, by Raluca State in Huffpost Women, the First tip is 1. Embrace your physical appearance.
This is great and I have embraced it. Lately though, I've been really weird about my clothes. They exhaust me. Maybe I can explore that and I have been using Proactiv. I haven't been keeping up with it though. Start from the beginning. Make some habits, keep them.
I'm usually pretty chill about what I look like, but I also keep to myself. I don't have anyone making fun of me on a regular basis. My mom occasionally makes comments if my jeans are especially butt crack prone or my hair. But it doesn't really garner any great change. I look for jeans that fit me, but I have a weird body shape.
2. Take control of your health.
I drink too much coffee. I take too much pills. But be. So maybe I can habitually stop this. Stock the fridge with sodas and other special drinks. so I won't be tempted to drink coffee. No coffee. As for the pills, I'm scared. I'm really scared to ask and then get rejected and then to assert my rights as a consumer to refuse treatment, because I have my mom and Dr. A to deal with. I want to get off the pills, but be stable, as well. I don't want to go crazy. Which is the atmosphere my mom presents when I come home telling her I'm off something. She starts this "I think you aren't thinking properly. You really need the medication.:" in her robot voice.
It's weird how much health is an emotional issue.
Sleep determines how healthy we are. I'll have to implement that Top 10 Ways to Get a Good Night's Sleep, by Mark Stibich.
1. Only Sleep and Have Sex in the Bedroom
2. Keep a Schedule
3. Make a Bedtime Ritual
4. Exercise Daily
5. Get Some Sunlight
6. Avoid Caffeine in the Afternoon
7. Make Your Bedroom Dark
8. Avoid Alcohol
9. Don't Smoke
10. See a Doctor
Exercise: This has to do with both physical appearance and health. I think two is fine for now. Baby Steps.
Wednesday, February 24, 2016
Going "Rouge"
I have gone rouge. Almost.
And I am dammit mad! And sad. And Mixed up.
I just dropped my classes at UTA. This means that I'm kind of going crazy? Or stopping going to someplace before I go crazy? All I know is that I'm going to go through a lot of dirt before I come out the other end. Ten more years of pain and suffering, right? That's the cost of quitting a semester? Ok, this is me getting angry and sad and crazy.
My mom is acting really weird. Like the opposite of uptight but with the same results as being uptight.
On the other end, if I focus all my pain and rage and whathaveyou into getting a job, then I might have a chance of making something of myself.
And I'm going to do things differently than I have done them before. I'm going to lie. I'm doing this to see if anyone can get a job in this economy. (Oh, but I'm not going to take the jobs I'm unqualified for...I'm really bad about pretending, I'm just OCD.) Obama taught us to never talk about jobs. I can't, not talk about it. I think my kids are in there, saying "Go mom, experiment with jobs, have fun!" And I really want to listen to them.
Eternal: The first thing I'm doing is gathering all the internet advice about people in their thirties. Everyone has advice for school age children, teenagers, especially, and college students. At the most important time in our lives when we don't have educational system to back you up, what then? Are we air? Do we matter? Is there things we need to be doing? I'll explore all these topics and more. I give myself two weeks to research and edit, and 6 weeks to implement. This is all - I hate to label it - Self Development, which I do not need. I need to let go. But everyone has rules in their lives and I have some, but
Make a schedule. Keep it. I give this two weeks
Past: Then I'm going to hit up my past career places, see what I have done with my life so far. Check out my resume, play with it. Connect the threads of education/career/volunteering to see what comes out5 weeks
Present: Set aside some money to buy a suit, cab fares, airline tickets. Get some counseling, I have a feeling I will need it. Indeed or three pages of job searching.
Future: Take that obedience course, CPR course, self improvement from the ads Lie like horizontal.
What will mess me up: Depression, overblown mistakes, fear, God. God's a big one. I'm not an atheist or I wouldn't be talking about God. but I feel like I tried to serve Him the wrong way and got burned up. So now if He wants to contact me, I'll let Him, but I'll always be wary of those eyes.
So be looking for updates, I'm sorry this is such a mess, but I can't really keep it together as much as I want to right now.
And I am dammit mad! And sad. And Mixed up.
I just dropped my classes at UTA. This means that I'm kind of going crazy? Or stopping going to someplace before I go crazy? All I know is that I'm going to go through a lot of dirt before I come out the other end. Ten more years of pain and suffering, right? That's the cost of quitting a semester? Ok, this is me getting angry and sad and crazy.
My mom is acting really weird. Like the opposite of uptight but with the same results as being uptight.
On the other end, if I focus all my pain and rage and whathaveyou into getting a job, then I might have a chance of making something of myself.
And I'm going to do things differently than I have done them before. I'm going to lie. I'm doing this to see if anyone can get a job in this economy. (Oh, but I'm not going to take the jobs I'm unqualified for...I'm really bad about pretending, I'm just OCD.) Obama taught us to never talk about jobs. I can't, not talk about it. I think my kids are in there, saying "Go mom, experiment with jobs, have fun!" And I really want to listen to them.
Eternal: The first thing I'm doing is gathering all the internet advice about people in their thirties. Everyone has advice for school age children, teenagers, especially, and college students. At the most important time in our lives when we don't have educational system to back you up, what then? Are we air? Do we matter? Is there things we need to be doing? I'll explore all these topics and more. I give myself two weeks to research and edit, and 6 weeks to implement. This is all - I hate to label it - Self Development, which I do not need. I need to let go. But everyone has rules in their lives and I have some, but
Make a schedule. Keep it. I give this two weeks
Past: Then I'm going to hit up my past career places, see what I have done with my life so far. Check out my resume, play with it. Connect the threads of education/career/volunteering to see what comes out5 weeks
Present: Set aside some money to buy a suit, cab fares, airline tickets. Get some counseling, I have a feeling I will need it. Indeed or three pages of job searching.
Future: Take that obedience course, CPR course, self improvement from the ads Lie like horizontal.
What will mess me up: Depression, overblown mistakes, fear, God. God's a big one. I'm not an atheist or I wouldn't be talking about God. but I feel like I tried to serve Him the wrong way and got burned up. So now if He wants to contact me, I'll let Him, but I'll always be wary of those eyes.
So be looking for updates, I'm sorry this is such a mess, but I can't really keep it together as much as I want to right now.
Saturday, February 6, 2016
Job Offer
Someone offered me a job. WHAT? A mere month after promising not to do anything whatsoever to get money, and to work only if someone offered me a job, here it is.
Yep, the guy on Guru offered me a job. I don't know what it is.
The point is that it does happen. Life's so weird.
Yep, the guy on Guru offered me a job. I don't know what it is.
The point is that it does happen. Life's so weird.
Monday, January 25, 2016
Community Building
The Headings are from Massive Sway Powered by The SITS Girls - 4 Ways to Create Community on Your Blog in 2013 - The Text is Original Commentation by Me
Read And Comment Often
This means in conversation that you should listen. People don't listen in conversations, they simply feel. Well, get a feel for the person, but don't use that to define them. Feelings are fluctuating and changing. For dealing with people shallowly, in a disinterested basis, you can use your feelings. If you want to get to know someone in more than a shallow level, you should not go by just your feelings, but what you hear from them. This is a more timely and accurate way of deeply connecting with someone.
Make sure your comments are heuristic which means letting people discover for themselves, and in theory meaning that there is lots of theory which can be postulated and created from the comment itself. So in essence your comments should lead to self discovery, and not be blatant obvious and blunt, though there is a place for that type of speech.
Love, Care and Share
You should love your friends and your enemies and God when you find Him. Caring about people is as much preparing yourself as actual caring for another person. Make sure the people are receptive to the love, caring and sharing You don't want to offend. This love and caring and sharing takes many forms, so experiment and see what works for you and the other person. This is a deeper level of communication than just reading and commenting. An example of love would be feeling for a person, even if you don't say anything. An example of care is buying a person a drink or offering them their coat even if it's cold. If you want to share something, feel free, share something that may touch someone else.
Reciprocate
When someone notices or appreciates you, no matter who they are, notice them. I know, I know, stay away from creeps. Most people aren't creepy. If they are they're probably stuck in yellow wallpaper. People who go out of their way not to notice you, please do the same. They are probably not worth your time and you don't need to cater to sensitive attitudes who would just abuse your love. So don't hate, reciprocate.
Connect Outside Of Your Situation
This is for advanced community students. If you are comfortable../ too comfortable...you should definitely try to connect outside of your comfort zone. Life is for the brave so don't keep yourself bound by your circumstances and your small close knit circle of friends. Embrace change in all it's aspects. In fact, not embracing change makes life more memorable, but don't ruin anyone's parade with it. Take the change as it comes and try not to be too surprised.
Read And Comment Often
This means in conversation that you should listen. People don't listen in conversations, they simply feel. Well, get a feel for the person, but don't use that to define them. Feelings are fluctuating and changing. For dealing with people shallowly, in a disinterested basis, you can use your feelings. If you want to get to know someone in more than a shallow level, you should not go by just your feelings, but what you hear from them. This is a more timely and accurate way of deeply connecting with someone.
Make sure your comments are heuristic which means letting people discover for themselves, and in theory meaning that there is lots of theory which can be postulated and created from the comment itself. So in essence your comments should lead to self discovery, and not be blatant obvious and blunt, though there is a place for that type of speech.
Love, Care and Share
You should love your friends and your enemies and God when you find Him. Caring about people is as much preparing yourself as actual caring for another person. Make sure the people are receptive to the love, caring and sharing You don't want to offend. This love and caring and sharing takes many forms, so experiment and see what works for you and the other person. This is a deeper level of communication than just reading and commenting. An example of love would be feeling for a person, even if you don't say anything. An example of care is buying a person a drink or offering them their coat even if it's cold. If you want to share something, feel free, share something that may touch someone else.
Reciprocate
When someone notices or appreciates you, no matter who they are, notice them. I know, I know, stay away from creeps. Most people aren't creepy. If they are they're probably stuck in yellow wallpaper. People who go out of their way not to notice you, please do the same. They are probably not worth your time and you don't need to cater to sensitive attitudes who would just abuse your love. So don't hate, reciprocate.
Connect Outside Of Your Situation
This is for advanced community students. If you are comfortable../ too comfortable...you should definitely try to connect outside of your comfort zone. Life is for the brave so don't keep yourself bound by your circumstances and your small close knit circle of friends. Embrace change in all it's aspects. In fact, not embracing change makes life more memorable, but don't ruin anyone's parade with it. Take the change as it comes and try not to be too surprised.
Sunday, January 17, 2016
Love Versus Money
I'm turning over a new leaf, and I debated about sharing here, secret things being so much easier to keep. I'm going to stay away from anything that earns me money. I'm still on disability but now I'm going to have to live off of it and my mom. This semester I will have a student loan, which I may use. It's a heart matter.
Wish me luck, and thanks for reading my blog!
Wish me luck, and thanks for reading my blog!
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