Introduction

So it's like some big secret.  This whole job getting process.  Obama fixed jobs for us.  He didn't for me. 

I have been getting from the past 5 years, Social Security. 

I am extremely spiritual and will explain spiritual problems in detail. 

So social security.  They don't want you to get a job.  I have been fighting them for years, trying to get a job. 

I am also extremely job paranoid.  I believe that there are forces out there that are keeping me from getting a job.  I'm going to get through them. 

So social security.  They tag me as a social security receiver and they of course try to get what they can out of you, whatever bothers you, and it just so happened that what bothered me the last time we had an interview was that they were keeping me from getting a job.  I had just recently gotten a job through a different government program, which was the Career Disability Offices who helped me get in contact with a Career Agency. 

I hate all this.  Because a part of me wants to keep it secret and never tell anyone.  It's embarrassing to me to have to have gone to an Employment Agency and be the stupidest kid on the block.  It's embarrassing and humiliating.  I need a job just like everyone else.  I want to help people, but that's secondary to being borderline faking it until I make it to get enough money to live on my own by. 

And then there's God, who rears His ugly (beautiful?) head, every time I think guiltily of just wanting a job for the money.  Shouldn't you be jetting around, loving people and God to the max, giving your whole life to Him? 

Let's just say I'm ugly.  God doesn't want ugly people to preach the gospel.  Come on, you know you are all thinking it.   Do I feel a calling to preach the gospel?  Yes.  Do I think I can do it?  No.  Because of lack of support and interest from other believers.  Where would I get the tracts?  Even if I preach the gospel, how will I support myself? 

So I feel guilty about wanting a job just for the money.   I also would like to enjoy a job.  But that's secondary. 

So getting a job.  No one talks about it.  It's like this taboo subject.  If you talk about a job, you jinx it.  Also, I feel I have to be this wonder woman.  All encompassing perfect person, applying for job applications.  There can be no crack in this woman's armor.  And such a perfect ideal, is easiest to shoot off the pedestal, hence, my previous failures. 

So here in, I'll record in gory detail, my hopes, dreams, failures, successes that a 30 year old Megan Coker can make getting out of college and getting a job.