Community Building

The Headings are from Massive Sway Powered by The SITS Girls - 4 Ways to Create Community on Your Blog in 2013 - The Text is Original Commentation by Me

Read And Comment Often

This means in conversation that you should listen.  People don't listen in conversations, they simply feel.  Well, get a feel for the person, but don't use that to define them. Feelings are fluctuating and changing.  For dealing with people shallowly, in a disinterested basis, you can use your feelings.  If you want to get to know someone in more than a shallow level, you should not go by just your feelings, but what you hear from them.  This is a more timely and accurate way of deeply connecting with someone.

Make sure your comments are heuristic which means letting people discover for themselves, and in theory meaning that there is lots of theory which can be postulated and created from the comment itself.   So in essence your comments should lead to self discovery, and not be blatant obvious and blunt, though there is a place for that type of speech.

Love, Care and Share

You should love your friends and your enemies and God when you find Him.  Caring about people is as much preparing yourself as actual caring for another person.  Make sure the people are receptive to the love, caring and sharing  You don't want to offend.  This love and caring and sharing takes many forms, so experiment and see what works for you and the other person.  This is a deeper level of communication than  just reading and commenting.  An example of love would be feeling for a person, even if you don't say anything.  An example of care is buying a person a drink or offering them their coat even if it's cold.  If you want to share something, feel free, share something that may touch someone else.

Reciprocate

When someone notices or appreciates you, no matter who they are, notice them.  I know, I know, stay away from creeps.  Most people aren't creepy. If they are they're probably stuck in yellow wallpaper.  People who go out of their way not to notice you, please do the same.  They are probably not worth your time and you don't need to cater to sensitive attitudes who would just abuse your love.  So don't hate, reciprocate.

Connect Outside Of Your Situation

This is for advanced community students.  If  you are comfortable../ too comfortable...you should definitely try to connect outside of your comfort zone.  Life is for the brave so don't keep yourself bound by your circumstances and your small close knit circle of friends.  Embrace change in all it's aspects. In fact, not embracing change makes life more memorable, but don't ruin anyone's parade with it. Take the change as it comes and try not to be too surprised.

Love Versus Money

I'm turning over a new leaf, and I debated about sharing here, secret things being so much easier to keep.  I'm going to stay away from anything that earns me money.  I'm still on disability but now I'm going to have to live off of it and my mom.  This semester I will have a student loan, which I may use. It's a heart matter.

Wish me luck, and thanks for reading my blog!

I Can't Really Write.

I finished it as best I could, but things were a mess.  The Marijuana Business Plan was a bust.

I couldn't do my awesome best and that was killing me every time.

So I just sucked at it.  I didn't get all wordy, I wrote skin and bones for as much of it as I could make up.  I had this Gothic logo that I put on every page.  looking at it was just awful.  Painful.  Skinny.

The logo wasn't the problem.  the problem is that I didn't make it like he wanted it because me, my person and brain are not calibrated to suck up information and energy and turn it into words for someone else.  here, I can do it fine, ti's just for me to shoot the breeze.  But if I'm making it for someone else my wah! cycle starts and I fall down at the proverbial feet of writing, stone, cold, illiterate.  Super sad.  It was a fun experiment and he's going to decide in the morning what to do with me.  Very, Good Job Wesley, I'll most likely kill you in the morning."  But more serious, like I am going to kill you in the morning. I don't want to die.  But I can.  At least I'll do it at home in my bed, surrounded with purple.  Couldn't be that bad, right?

I want to change myself, but I don't know how.   I know that I'm going to probably take a pay cut, but I hope he pays me something, that person I hired looks like they took the money and ran. I'm not sure how that happened, but I'm investigating.  You suck freelancing world, I almost want to organize it some more.  But I have lost faith.

I can't really write.  I can't.

Fluff

2:35 AM

I wake up, churning with possibilities.  Thinking about my family.  And of all things whether I am beautiful or not.  I am not, according to my latest mirror check.  But that's just me.  And the business plan, always the business plan.

So we go to work.  Got to put into place that executive summary and I now have an employee.  Crazy Craze!  (I've been watching too much Ugly Betty.  The gayness is rubbing off on me.)

So here's the work I need done.  Finish the executive business plan,

Here we go again.  I'm like those fainting goats.  Analysis paralysis.  Confession:  It's really my fault for stopping before I should stop and stopping hard and starting over like I've never seen the thing before.  I want to come to it with a fresh eye, but it doesn't stop existing when I turn off my compy.


I plunge.  This what am I going to have my employee do is haunting me.  I gave Hellen a task.  (Hellen?)  She's from Kenya.  I'm crazy about this!  Not crazy about no attachment feature on the guru.com messages.  But copy and paste will do.

It's not like a lot.  Just summarizing some drug info.  Yay!  Drug info.  Anys.

I'm sorry for this post.  It's mostly fluff, if you ask me.

Conundrum and Shoutouts

Ok, I'm stuck again.  I swear, this is my best problem solver, right here.

The thing is I'm trying to make the business plan executive summary.  Not, as commonly directed, last, after I have finished the business plan.  I have a history, description and key selling points, but need more filler.  I think I will add more of the history of pot legalization and describe more of the products we would deliver.  I hope this works, I'm kind of grasping at straws.  I'm not like in love with pot but legalization would solve so many problems.  I wouldn't feel guilty hanging out with pot heads.  It would probably be cool for ten years or so and then either it would be awesome or some detail would come up to overthrow it for the next thing.  I mean, cigarettes are legal and they are addictive.

Want to write an article and suddenly I'm championing pot.  Ridiculous.

Also if I have to champion anyone, it'd be Christ.  He brought me through today miraculously.  My sister, Joanna, is a major priest of God.  

I'd also like to give a shout out to my boi, Bryan Healy.  He kicks major ass when there's something in it.  My nephew is the best.  What a great little goober.  My dad isn't too terrible, when he's done marauding, and my mother is a genius.   My brother and my sister are ok.  I love my freelance "bosses," Alex and Mike.

Failing at Life

There's too many Word pages open!  I'm freaking out!  Hyperventiation.  I've never believed in panic attacks until one day in my Rhetoric class I started to have one.  I hiked to the hallway, got a drink of water from the water fountain, and went back into class.  Now I have a fear of panic attacks.  The fear of Jehovah is the beginning of knowledge and a fountain of  life.   It doesn't bug me much, but if I figure out how to stop it.  You know who you are.

I think I need a break, but know deep down that I don't need one.  It's like my skin needs a break but not my inward parts who could go for eternity.  Life is really dumb.

This nature sounds sounds like someone peeing.

*********************************************************************************

Ok, did the easy part, the cover page and the table of contents, now, I need to create the executive summary.  Not great, not easy.  I'm not even sure what should go in there.  I'm going to use the template from Word, which has some description, the template from Alex, so I know that to put in there.  Be right back.

********************************************************************************

Freaking out.  There's not really anything that my client talked about that puts them above the competition, which is something I'd really like to prove.  There's at least four weed delivery services already in Fresno.

I got a Super distract!  Change of music.  Astro Safari to the max.

Right Now If I focus on on the business plan , I'll be all eclipsical.

Sucks.  I don't really  know what I should research to get a good executive section of a business plan.
Yeah, I'm not getting any inspiration.  Dry as a bone.  It's almost like that section hates me. Weird.

I wonder how long this will last.  2:08pm Thursday.

2 minutes.  I'm playlist surfing.  I know I have enough ink but not the right sheets.

More Business Plan

I'm detoxing.  Mostly on Facebook, which has toxins of it's own, but is good in a pinch if you like Snoop Dog narrating otters chasing crocodiles and Ellen and Jimmy having a lip sync battle with Justin presiding as judge.  It definitely has it's charm.

Talking to him on Skype right now.  Now I know why reporters are looked at as such seasoned die-hards, it's because the more you know about the topic and can get from a lead, the more you can write for them.  I think the writer starves more than other types of artists.  But if you can hide it, make it less noticeable, that starving can become the earrings which compliment the outfit worn by the woman who wrote the story of the century.

My fingers hurt. I got burned. Burned by the steam in the bag of a TV dinner.  Lasagna.  Veggie. Taking it out of the microwave.  Ninja cleans the plastic/paper plate when I'm done. It's not recyclable.

I've got to walk that dog.  I so don't want to.  Don't say it.  Going to.  But in whose energy.  When do they want it back?  In what condition?  This is the first time I've ever analyzed that on paper like that.
In MY energy, for the energy that I've slaved away and sacrificed all day, I'll be using here.  Just kidding.  That would be rebellion.

Ok, guess what?  I told Alex how I felt about maybe not being able to complete the plan and sent him what I have so far. I'm awaiting his response.  I told him I couldn't do it because of my own moral issues.   But you know what?  It was really my families moral issues.  My sister, my dad and my brother.  They heard the word weed and screamed, I won't support you!  So I tried writing without them, and I didn't get anywhere.  Now they are rewarding me (dopamine) for quitting. Good job dad, you raised a quitter. At night, before I take Zyprexa, at 8, my dopamine receptors get more sensitive.  They are blocked out by the Zyprexa at night.  They are more of the blue energy.  Adrenaline is red, and heat causing. Maybe I'm gettting violent because I have no dopamine to stop me.  I knew I would figure it out.

Still going to try to get off lithium first because it caused my hypothyroidism, a minor health issue, for I think that is serious enough to stop taking lithium.  And I hate being dependent on the medication and my mother loves it. She LOVES it.  It's like the one thing she has over me.

And she's home and I'm walking the dog.

Staying Tracted

Ok, I start off thinking that I can do the business plan.  Then, every time I open the Word documents up, I get really sensitive and panic attack, like if I was doing anything on this I would be seriously depressed (too high goals).

Is it possible to have job anxiety?  I again blame social security.  I so want to get off of it so I can get a decent job or own my own freelance business.  And I blame Satan, himself.

 I keep trying to want to make the job more complex or organized and it's not.  It's straight forward as can be.  Just look up the information and plug it in.  I start getting paranoid though.

I've basically broken it down to the marketing part that I'm trying to finish.  Everything else I can fill in later.  I get distracted really easily, so music helps me to concentrate, but also sucks energy, so it's a balance with that.

I'm going to listen to nature sounds to keep me from getting distracted.  (See?  I do this. To make things more complicated than they are.  Like this is a line, that I'm not going to deviate from.  And then I deviate from it!)  Why, God why?  #whitegirlproblems  #writerproblems


Ok, I just panicked.  I have a template that I got from Word, and, of course, it's not modifiable.  It's different from the template he gave me and I can't seem to decide between them.  Which should I choose?  "Neither.  I should take the best out of both of them."  That would be my dad's childish optimistic answer.  Really, I can, but taking my dad's side is short of horrendous.  He's the worst.  I think of really creative ideas and he takes them to use for himself.  And leaves me stuck with neither. This really sucks.  So distracted sufficiently by the dad problem, what should I do?  Pick this pink, has-to-be-modified, maybe-different-than-he-wanted, but graphically-pleasing template?  Make up my own, less graphically-pleasing word-based template based on what he gave me?

Why am I even bothering with the template?  I can't seem to research or write anything worth using?

I need like a life coach.  To cheer me and shout directions from that first base box.

Everyone does.  I have no support for this until I can prove I can do this on my own.  A little counter intuitive, don't you think?   Maybe that's a writing career.  Few friends, many enemies.

Updates on Freelance Work

So I crazily decide not to go to school and so I forgo getting a job on campus.  Later, I thought how stupid this seems, after re-registering to finish in May.  But I realize now that I couldn't have gone to school and have had a job at the same time. Even with four classes, I would be so stressed out.   I still think that losing it was bad juju on the part of the social security administration, of  which I am a patron.  But that juju can be overcome in the right circumstances.

So now I have these two jobs.  One from Guru.com and one from Upwork.com. They are different. one is for a client in Pakistan and another is from a client in California.  Different as night and day.   The client in Pakistan, Mike, is a little tough love, while the client from Cali, Alex, is cool as a cucumber.

Mike had me write a sample article for him and is waiting for me to create more articles for him, about 2-3 per week.  I actually believe I can do this.  But I am worried that I can't.  We will just see. I am not a writing machine.  Alex has me making a marijuana delivery service business plan.   I've covered the marketing section in part.  I'm really stressing about it, because every time I think about writing or working on it.  I feel half empty and tightness in my body (stress).  This means that I can't work on the project.  I set out an ad at Guru.com for someone to help me for ten dollars less than what I'm getting so I can turn a profit.  I'm really concerned about project.  Will I get anyone to help me?  Will I fail?  Maybe.  I really hope not.

I'm taking a songwriting course online.  It's geared toward the emotion and thought of building the lyrics than actual music.  But maybe I'd be able to better write a song when it's done.  It's nice.

Going Crazy?

I decided not to take the job.  I decided not to go back to school.  Am I insane? 

I really am confused about this right now.  But I have had a head ache and body ache for the past two days, no motivation to get up and sleeping very strangely.  So my feeling is this...I should not go back to school for any whatever degree.  If go insane it will be a private insanity, not a public or dangerous one.  I knew I couldn't handle it.  I still know I can't. 

My dad's coming to town.  That kind of visit really always screws things up, because it's like, my dad, my superhero!  Throw in all the chips.  Then he leaves and it's like drug withdrawal!  My lungs are burning!  My life is a crumpled leaf.  I hate myself.  Suicide. 

That's why you should live near your parents.  Also for the free babysitting. 

So what will I do to get out of this.  Probably apply to some jobs.  Probably do some freelance writing or whatever it is you do freelance.  (not prostitution!  Dirty mind.)

I get so mad at myself for not taking the job.  Because it was the perfect setup.  EXACTLY...the perfect setup.  I'm not going to fall for that.  Life may take me, but the perfect setup, no.  Also I think my family wants to to end up like my Aunt Peggy(who went crazy after living in California and lived with my grandmother in her house only going out for groceries and doctor's appointments until she died and now lives in a nursing home) so they can suck my life away.  Ask them, it's true. No wonder I hate them so much. 

Anyways.  I want a life.  Not fame.  A life.  Not even a husband or kids.  But a life.  Not even church or God.  A life, even though that's heartbreaking to say.  I've given up so much in my life.  People may have said I have gotten it back.  I just want to say by their fruits you know them.  If my life hasn't shown any evidence of what I've gotten back...then it hasn't gotten anything back. 

Hiccup

So I'm back to going to school again.  I have this uncomfortable feeling that I'm not prepared for the job anymore, and that I'm not going to take it as seriously as I should.  That feeling is just a feeling.  Life will prevail.  It always has.