Like Vezzini said, "Back to the Beginning"

So I'm here again.  At the point where I need to get another job.

I love my job at Whataburger, but I'm not perfect for the job by any means and I feel like I should be looking, just in case.  

I also feel like I'm a lesser person than I was when I was looking for the Whataburger job.  I can't seem to focus on anything except my writing.  When I write, I can focus, but looking for a job and my eyes feel like they are going in opposite directions and I can't seem to filter any of the jobs, or let go of the fear that I have.  Maybe it's because I'm just starting to look and I need practice, but it's difficult for me not to compare myself to previous job searches.  

Like Inigo Montoya, in The Princess Bride, I need to go back to the beginning.  

I could apply at all the places I used to work and I was going to try that, but I got distracted and didn't.  

On the list is:

Subway

Kroger

Chuck E. Cheese

Babies R' Us

6 Flags  

I want to hit up all these places for jobs this week, and also, Mr. B's, cause it's so close to Subway.  

I just don't know how to "be" anymore.  I keep trying to find a future and some force keeps destroying it, where-ever I find it.  

I'm afraid but I'm going to try it. I'm scared of Subway, Kroger, Chuck E. Cheese, Babies R' Us and 6 Flags, all for different reasons, but it's worth a try.  I've worked at these positions before so I know what they are like.  

I don't want a new job.  I'm perfectly happy continuing with the job I have.  However, I get the impression that maybe I would be better suited to another job.  I feel like I had a few opportunities to do something different and I didn't take them.  I'll end up like the guy who's been here 14 years and still just does cleaning.  

I'm worried that I'll wait until the scared feeling goes away before vigorously applying myself to myself.  

This is just all the bad stuff.  Good stuff happens too, but we don't talk about it as much because we want to keep it close to us, savoring the good.  So if you think that I'm awful, and that awful stuff happens to me all the time you'd be wrong, there is some great stuff, too.  I'm just not a promoter of myself as much as I probably should be.  For example, I walked to the coffee shop last night.  I never do that.  I got exercise and I got to be around great like-minded people and maybe learn something. I do great things and work hard at my job. I'm always trying new things, and making sure I keep up with the pace of the workers around me.  I know there's ways I'm benefiting the restaurant.